FIVE SECOND STORIES

Willibald Feivel Cornfed aka Cornfed Pig is a character from the early 90's cartoon series "Duckman" about a private detective duck. Cornfed is his business partner and plays the straightman opposite the manic Duckman. He channels his inner deadpan Joe Friday with a philosophic twist. One of my favorite quotes: "Am I mad or is the world simply a mystery too complex to understand?" The series is a hoot, dripping with ironic satire with non-stop cultural winks and observations akin to "The Simpsons." If you want to time travel and get an idea what societal concerns, mores and fads were during the 90's, watch this show.

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"He's a pusher!!" C declared the other day informing me about Bertram. Pens on her desk, the salt spoon on the dining room table. All must be cleared!! Either he just likes the stimulation and play or he has a rather specific aesthetic about tidiness on flat surfaces. 

Pure evil

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Seen while out and about: It was 9.30 am and I was traveling across town and in an older neighborhood I drove past a middle-aged man clad in a t-shirt and Hawaiian shorts running his mower over his postage stamp sized lawn. While sunny, it was 33° with an inch of snow on the ground. Drunk? Early onset dementia? On drugs? He's responding to a dare from jackass roommates? Odd.

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When she got home after working another 14 hour day at the clinic, she made a fire and popped the frozen pizza into the oven to heat. Henry, her orange tabby waited patiently by his food dish until she opened a fresh can and served. While he was eating she took a quick shower to get the grunge, sweat and blood off her body. Getting into her sweats and big fluffy socks, she checked on the pizza and uncorked a bottle of red. She was off tomorrow (well, it already was tomorrow) and took her glass into the living room. The fire had taken off well. She turned on her laptop and found a favorite jazz instrumental compilations for some background music. She sat by the hearth feeling the warmth, feeling the stress of the day flow out of her body, feeling the merlot take hold. Grateful. No alcoholic husband anymore who had been more of a kid than a partner; no kids (pang): he had died of SIDS at 6 weeks and she was blamed; she had a good roof over her head and a good job. The oven alarm went off and she brought in a slice and a fresh glass over by the fire. Henry came over purring and snuggled. She gave him a belly rub and he draped over her feet and rolled to give them a much needed massage.

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When my buddy Lowell moved to Sarasota FL, he scrounged for a job eventually getting work as manual labor in construction. He was the only white guy on the crew and naturally, questions were asked and when they found he had gone to college, his nickname became "Fess", short for professor.

I went to visit him and he picked me up in a convertible. Very Florida I thought but in reality, having the top off was for my own health as the exhaust system was shot and I would have suffocated otherwise. 

Until recently, as many of the newest generation are eschewing cars, it was a rite of passage for American males to own as their first car, a barely reliable beater. Another roommate had a VW that was an oil burner requiring him to carry a constant supply of oil cans in the back seat. My Nova, which was purchased new, within a few years rusted out under the driver's floor boards and became known as the Flintstonemobile. Yeah, remember Ziebart rustproofing? A whole industry designed to deal with, aftermarket, the shitty quality of American automobiles. 

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It began in late Fall, the homeowner noticed a small hole dug in by the bird feeder. By late Winter, it enlarged and once the ground had thawed a bit, the homeowner took a shovel and collapsed the hole. Within days the hole reappeared even larger. The homeowner returned with the shovel. Is this going to turn into a ridiculous inter-species spat reminiscent of Caddyshack?

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I've noticed that the geese are pairing up. Goslings arrive April/May.

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We were watching a show about Springtime in England and they brought up the importance of protein in pollen in a bee's diet. Somehow, I had missed the memo about pollen protein. And, not all pollen has the same amount of protein. I guess I need to take a look at what I plant for our bee buddies.

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Another fun fact learned from the Spring in England show: the rapid pecking, known as drumming, is the male (forgive the pun) drumming up a mate. Most birds vie for mates with song. Most prominent here is Mr. Redbird who often perches at the top of a tree and belts out a tune. "Hey baby, I make the best eggs in the neighborhood!" You know guys trying to impress the chicks, big egos are at work here. On any given Spring morning you have The Battle of the Bands in the treetops with Carusos going beak to beak with Sinatras; Moons vs Bonhams.

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Every cat is a mix of "I like to be with you, Ape" and his inherent wildness. Buddy has some striking differences from The Crew. He quickly established physical intimacy with us, something that took Tomi practically a lifetime to enter into and at least for me, Molls only late in life. None would allow, without some restraint to have their claws clipped. Belly rubs if allowed were brief.