FIVE SECOND STORIES

He drove a Jaguar F type and was an asshole. He regularly challenged other sports car drivers to some high speed hi-jinks on the perpetually bumpy, four lane, 40 mph main artery in the city. His rear bumper sticker, located by the duo exhausts read "louder than your girlfriend last night".

Despite his efforts, the Japanese dappled willows were dying one by one. He tried to give them dignity in their final days by cutting out the deadwood so that as sparse as it was, all that could be seen was living.

A leading university began a study looking at the incidence of male rage and the frequency of Roundup use. 

His wife was dismayed that her husband was walking the dog most evenings with the leash attached to his pants belt. 

The author began work on a new novel set in the early '70's NYC about 2 hookers whose street names were Svelte Pelt and Cherry Pie. 

She was appalled when first meeting her new daughter-in-law's family. One sister wore a low, scoop-neck top that revealed a Confederate flag tattooed across her chest. "Heart of Dixie", while not written, was clearly implied. 

The professor noted that freshman Chinese girls in her class who were from Sichuan, Shaanxi and Gansu had a tried and true strategy as an ice breaker with American students, especially girls. They would share that they came from Panda country and this would be met with excited enthusiasm from the Americans.

He was a "git 'er done" kind of guy, one who had little patience for others who were hapless (in his opinion) in their actions. Once at a cookout at a friend's place in the country, there was going to be a bonfire after supper. Attempts to light the pyre kept failing and failing so he took action. He squirted 14 oz of lighter fluid into a big drink cup, walked over and flung it on the wood. He hollered out to folks a heads-up as to what was about to happen. After giving it a couple of beats, he threw a rolled wad of lit newspaper into the wood which ignited with a woosh startling many. He grinned, grabbed a glass of merlot and pulled up a lawn chair.