RUTH

The mother of a close friend was regarded by many in her family as a bit eccentric. In her later years, what gave her the most joy in her life were the birds at her feeder. In reality though, it was a coping strategy for the many years of marriage to a overbearing, controlling husband whose ego and meanness had few boundaries. He loved being referred to by his first initials, JR, an affectation borrowed from the main character of the hit TV series “Dallas”. She had borne him 3 sons and 2 daughters and watched in dismay his influence on them, especially the boys. Nevertheless, she loved them all and the children they produced.

She had simple tastes and ambitions which unfortunately became translated by her husband to the world that she was “simple”. As for her love of birds, he would gleefully point out that they had something in common: they were both birdbrained. She learned to be generally quiet in his presence as to not to provoke such derisive comments and as years went on, retreated, once all the household chores that were assigned to her were completed, into the world of her wild friends.

In the end, she outlived him and here lies the tragedy: she was so used to her coping strategy that she could not get out of it-a combination of habit and dementia. She retreated further to the point of spending her days in a comfy chair, gazing out a picture window at her beloved winged angels.