REASON #3408 WHY TO AVOID FLORIDA LIKE THE PLAGUE

 

Tampa Beach                                                                                                                                                          Brynn Anderson

If things weren't toxic enough in Florida, a 5000 mile wide blob of seaweed known as the Great Atlantic Sargassom Belt is washing up on the Sunshine State's Gulf beaches. As an added bonus, lurking within the tons of rotting vegetation are high levels of the flesh-eating Vibrio Bacteria. What fun! Get a tan and have your chunks of your body eaten away! Forget the Ozempic, visit Tampa and lose lots of weight permanently! 

(Individual results may vary. Do not use Vibrio if you fear death or dismemberment, have not gone to Confession for years, failed to have a will or have a severe allergy to poorly made,cheesy, Netflix horror series).

Ahhh, things just keep getting better and better for the fiefdom of El Jefe DeSantis. And this is just the kind of thing that his party gets a chubby from: misery and cruelty for the masses.