DAMN HEALTH ADS

Getting old can be no fun at times and it's not made any easier because of the constant haranguing from the media. It's a battle between toxic capitalism who want you to consume, do-gooders and their PSAs to raise awareness amongst the ignorant, snake-oil shills with worthless remedies targeting the ignorant and the medical machine that sometimes incorporate all three to gin up new patients. So, sometimes I get a wee bit cranky when in an attempt to relax and view something entertaining, the Adworld intrudes. 

A couple of days ago, I was confronted with an ad about the dangers of Atrial Fibrillation aka Afib bearing the tagline of: DON'T WAIT TO SEE YOUR DOCTOR.

First, some dude is at his stove and musing that his heart races while making spaghetti. Then, a woman recounts how her heart races while reading.  

THESE COULD BE SIGNS OF AFIB!!!

Oh gawd. Sure, a heart not beating properly is a serious matter but Christ, I don't wanna hear about it just right now. And of course, you aren't given the choice of "skip ad" by these bastards. This is important! It COULD be a matter of life or death to you or a loved one! YOU MUST WATCH IT ALL. AND EAT YOUR GODDAMN SPINACH WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.

This brought out the MAD Magazine in me so here are my alternative takes:

The man in question had just finished a triple shift as a respiratory nurse during COVID and he is making his first proper meal in some time. The prospect of such tasty food would make anyone's heart uptick. Yummers! 

The woman was reading some filthy Italian pornography, the closest thing to getting her heart lively considering the 300 pound, snoring mass in the recliner that she's married to. 

The TV pictured above? Oh, that belonged to Elvis. He shot it one night probably while consuming his 4th peanut butter, banana and bacon sandwich when a PSA about Afib came on.