TEEN WINS WORLD'S BEST LOTTERY

 

One of the nicer things that has appeared with the advent of near-universal use of Iphones is their video capabilities.Things never seen before except by eyewitnesses are now available. This video and associated human interest story is a pretty cool combo for a storm chasing (arm chair division) aficionado such as myself. And just to bear witness to the absolute luck of this human being. Good for you, man!!!

FIVE SECOND STORIES FROM A UNIVERSITY

 

C found this on her University Department's giving shelf

A grief-stricken cat owner, soon after her beloved feline had died, decided she couldn't bear getting another cat.

~or~ 

After her husband left her and the cat died, she began the task of downsizing, often leaving notes with the items she was giving away.

꩜

Hopeless student in a first year writing class failed his personal narrative assignment.

 ꩜ 

Two professors, wishing to help out a student from Mongolia find others from his country, sorrowfully discover that out of 44,000 students, he is the sole representative from Mongolia.

editor's note: the item in example #1 is factual; the events of example # 2,3 are factual.

 

MY INGREDIENT LABEL FOR BAKERY GOODS

I wanted to honor our 18 year old dowager roommate Molls. Chartreux is her breed and Balasana is her yoga pose. Because of all the food allergies people seem to have, I thought it prudent to include an ingredient list when I make goodies for friends and neighbors.

 

FIVE SECOND STORIES

 

 

A man from Ireland showed American friends a picture of his village and remarked "That was the only sunny day that year."

꩜

In the month before the suicide, her favorite song was Willie Nelson’s cover of “Blue Skies."

 ꩜

For years, looking out her kitchen window across the field, she could see the house where her husband's lover lived.  

 

editor's note: example #3 is factual.

THE SCREAMING IN THE WOODS

It usually starts every year around equinox the old ones say. Most of the snow is gone except in the deep woods where the sun doesn't reach. A sudden scream rings out and reverberates throughout the quiet woods, shocking all. "It's started!!!" This chilling and urgent message goes out like electricity through the network that connects the tribe. The bloodletting had begun. Anger, terror and above all hatred of those who perpetuate this heinous crime against their bodies. More screaming. The annual debate begins again: why us? why are we so helpless? Some are resigned to their fate. "At least the children are spared." Others are enraged. "They take just enough so they don't kill us. But it weakens us, lowers our defenses against the damage of insects, birds and mammals. If they are idiots and they choose an elder, take too much and the elder succumbs." A breeze picks up and carries the cries though out woods and to the fields. High above, a low moan develops and clacking as they reach out to one another for comfort. Crows and jays cry out-everyone in the woods is upset. "Why do they do this? They give nothing in return. Who are these barbarians?"

 

 

 

 

EAR WORM ALERT: KYLIE MINOGUE "CAN'T GET YOU OUT OF MY HEAD"

 

I stumbled across this last week, barely remembering the tune from over 20 years ago! and not the vid. Yikes! On one level, ecstacy, on another, extraordinary sexual marketing with a blend of hip hop/robot choreography. From 2001.

HAPPY SPRING EQUINOX!

Winter Wheat

SKATALLITES: "STREAM IN THE MEADOW"

 

An old Reggae favorite from 1976.

SPRINGTIME'S DENIZEN: DEAD MAN WALKING

 

Old Indigenous legend: if you can see the dead man walking in the storm, people are going to die. What is seen are smaller whirlwinds called suction vortices that rotate around the main funnel. They often contain intense, localized winds that can be in excess of 100 mph compared to the tornado circulation. It was such vortices in the infamous 2017 El Reno, OK tornado that killed several storm chasers including Tim Samaras, a well-known field researcher and scientist. Above: the Jarrell Tx F-5 from May 27, 1997. 27 people died.

IN RECOGNITION OF WOMEN'S HISTORY MONTH: NINA SIMONE "4 WOMEN"

 

Ferocious commentary on the lives of Black women. I had never heard this before a couple of days ago on the Sirius Blues channel.

 

My skin is black
My arms are long
My hair is woolly
My back is strong
Strong enough to take the pain
Inflicted again and again
What do they call me?
My name is Aunt Sarah
My name is Aunt Sarah, Aunt Sarah

 

My skin is yellow
My hair is long
Between two worlds
I do belong
My father was rich and white
He forced my mother late one night
What do they call me?
My name is Saffronia
My name is Saffronia

 

My skin is tan
My hair is fine
My hips invite you
My mouth like wine
Whose little girl am I?
Anyone who has money to buy
What do they call me?
My name is Sweet Thing
My name is Sweet Thing

 

My skin is brown
My manner is tough
I'll kill the first mother I see
My life has been rough
I'm awfully bitter these days
'Cause my parents were slaves
What do they call me?
My name is Peaches

THE CURIOUS HISTORY OF "THE YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS"

 

Most of us are familiar with the song "The Yellow Rose of Texas" but only recently did I learn the story behind the song (uhhh no, this is not a vh1 special).

The final and decisive battle in the Texas War of Revolution with Mexico was the Battle of San Jacinto on April 21,1836. The Mexican army under command of General Santa Ana was totally unprepared for battle and was defeated in 18 minutes by the Texas army led by General Sam Houston. Texas folklore and this song point to the reason why the Mexicans lost because was that they were "caught with their pants down"...literally.

This tale says that Santa Ana was busy having sex with one Emily West, a free, mixed race woman. She was an indentured servant who had been kidnapped by the Mexican army and was staying in Santa Ana's camp.

In the realm of American colorism, the term "high yellow" was given to those light-skinned persons of White and Black parentage. Folks in this designation were considered part of the social class elite among people of color.

Now, it was known that Santa Ana had a "distinct aversion" to the mixing of races and in fact blamed this for the troubles of Mexico. 

So, perhaps this song is a cheeky piece of Texan propaganda rubbing Mexican noses in their defeat: you lost because your guy was busy, busy with one of those women. Has a nice schoolyard feel about it.

ST. PADDY'S DAY GROANER

 

It was 72 degrees today. The crocus, which only had a handful of blooms the day before exploded into dozens. Forsythia was in bloom on campus. 

Hanging out on the couch with Molls waiting for supper, we had the slider open. I realized I was hearing a wide range of bird calls and how much I had missed them. In winter, we're tucked in the house so anything we hear-goose, crow, blue jay-are muted. Now, the volume has been turned up!

Rolla the squirrel, was out and coming on the deck looking for peanuts. We weren't sure if it was her so C began chanting "Rolla, Rolla show us your teats!". A t-shirt tagline if there ever was one. Sure enough, she prairie-dogged and her identity was confirmed.

Since it was so warm, I decided to make Spring salads rather than something rib sticking and stogey which is usually the case when it's in the 30's. My nod to the holiday was making Irish soda bread, which pleased and delighted C who pronounced it "sodalicious". See what happens when you live with an EM (English Major)? LOL

IF YOU THINK LIFE SUCKS-CHEER UP, IT COULD BE WORSE

 

Life these days has been pretty sucky between Covid,Ukraine, inflation, the fascist Republican party and their rabid followers, toxic woke trolls, bat shit crazy Christian Taliban bent on turning the country into a theocracy, our 4th World roads, poor sleep, extra pounds and beloved cats dying...whew. Our lives are like those folks at a all you can eat restaurant, juggling 3 plates heaped with human chow hoping to get to the table without dumping it all...with a less than stellar success rate. But, we all try and put on a happy face and get on with it. 

Well bunky, it could be worse. For one thing, you could be living in Ukraine or Syria or Somalia. Things really suck there. It's all a matter of perspective. 

From comedian Denis Leary:

Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried, you owe ten million dollars in medical bills but you work hard for 35 years and you pay it back and then--one day--you have a massive stroke, your whole right side is paralyzed, you have to limp along the streets and speak out of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go into rehab and regain the power to walk and the power to talk and then--one day--you step off a curb at 67th Street and BANG you get hit by a city bus and then you die. 

Maybe.

CROCUS!!

Taken this afternoon. Rule of thumb in these parts is crocus usually bloom around St. Paddy's Day.

EARLY SPRING

 

Taken this past weekend while we were experiencing a polar outbreak with daytime temps only in the teens. However, the sun is quite warm and is melting the snow despite the cold. The quality of the light is springlike.

FIRST SIGHTING!!

 Hopefully, we are done with the snow and arctic cold.

YOU WILL HAVE BETTER LUCK GETTING A HOLD OF JESUS THAN THE IRS

Last year, as most of you know, was a shitshow at the IRS. Years of underfunding by the Republicans, resulting in severe staffing shortages, now came to roost with an enormous backlog of unprocessed returns. This was not apparent last March I mailed in my paper return. Finally in August, unable to reach a human at the IRS and their "Where's My Refund" site not showing any information about my return, I decided to go old school: I contacted my congressman's office. My concern was since I wasn't bright enough to send it by trackable mail, I was worried that the return never made it. In the end, my return was found and within a couple of weeks, my refund was deposited in my account.

This year, I decided to bite the bullet and buy TurboTax (TT) and electronically send in the return. The wisdom of this choice was verified in February when the IRS issued an statement predicting a sequel to last year's shitshow. "Send it in electronically" they advised. 

OK so far so good, everything was hunky-dory until...I sent in the return and...the IRS rejected it and things took me into a circular, kaftkaesque, bureaucratic black hole. The problem was that they were demanding C's AGI from 2021. Now, we filed joint married. The only AGI from that year was the summation of both our incomes so C would not have her own AGI on a married return!!!!! I tried putting in a number of things including "0" which would be correct. Nyet! Knowing that getting through to the IRS was impossible, I called TT and they proved nearly as bad. It took me 6 tries to get a human, with me screaming into the phone at the robot  "AGENT, AGENT, I WANT A EFFING AGENT YOU EFFING PIECE OF CYBERSHIT" A calm female robot voice replied: "I'm sorry but I am afraid I need more details to direct you to the right agent." Finally, I got through. Talked to a lovely black woman named Marie. We went through the online correction process again. Same result. She agreed with my idea concerning C's AGI and asked if I could hold while she consulted with a colleague. She returned with bad news: the consensus was that there was some IRS system glitch. My only avenue:

SEND IN THE RETURN BY MAIL.

I politely thanked her and ended the call. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST-I just spent money and time to reduce errors on my part and to receive my refund in a timely manner. To no avail!!

Hopefully, since TT tends to autofill the returns based on info from previous year returns, I won't have this problem again. 

Our modern life.

THE COST OF BAD AI SUBTITLES (AS IF WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH SHIT THAT DOESN'T WORK RIGHT)

Over the holidays, a hearing impared college professor known to be a notorious pedant, suffered a nervous breakdown after binge watching Netflix filled with crappy AI generated captions.

SILLY MOVIE DUBBING

 

From Uncle John’s Funniest Ever Bathroom Reader:

Overdubbing bad words for movies that air on network TV with words that kinda sound like bad words that aren’t. With silly results:

The Exorcist (1973)
The possessed Regan informs Father Karras that his mother “sucks $#**!!! In hell!”

Small screen: “Your mother sews socks that smell!”’

Gosh, that must have crushed the poor Father’s heart to hear such a thing about his beloved mama.

One envisions the team responsible for the dubs holed up in some swank LA hotel with plenty of alcohol and cannabis to dream these up. Not a bad gig but probably management had to assign someone to be the designated sober person to help focus the team. Otherwise, there would be an enormous amount of time jumping into wabbit holes.

 

 

WINNING THE WORLD'S WORST LOTTERY

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                   Erdem Sahin

Another winner of The World's Worst Lottery is WNBA star Brittney Griner who was detained by Russian authorities and charged with drug possession. Russia claims that hashish oil was found in her luggage by Moscow area airport customs personnel on February 17. Since then, Russian authorities have denied any access by US consular officials. Read the full story here:

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/11/sports/basketball/brittney-griner-russia-congress.html

Clearly, this is a hostage situation and I don't think it is any coincidence that this happens precisely 7 days before Russia invades Ukraine. It's another example of how old school Putin's vision of warfare is-taking hostages is an ancient move, hell, there's tales in the Bible about this. Standard Operating Procedure. A second component to this action is this sort of behavior is frowned upon as "uncivilized" by many policymakers in the West. This incident is Putin needling the West for this view which he considers as a pathetic sign of weakness. 

What terrible luck for this woman. Of all the targets the Russians could choose, she is selected for what could very well be many years of captivity. The following post I think sums up the situation.

 

TIN PAN: EVENING

 

Remarkable Blues song, lyrically and musically. In my view, most Blues songs come down to three topics: you're so blue that only the coming darkness can ease your pain: you're so blue because your beloved woman has left you; you're so blue because evening is here, again, and you are alone.

 

Evening, every night you come and you find me
Why must you always remind me, that my baby's gone
Evening, you got me deeper in your power
Every minute seems like an hour
Since my baby's gone
Shadows fall upon the wall
That's the time I miss your kisses most of all
Even though I try, how can I go on
Oh evening, let me sleep 'til the glow of dawn is breaking
I don't care if I don't awaken
Since my baby's gone
Shadows fall upon the wall
That's the time I miss your kisses most of all
Even though I try, how can I go on
Oh evening, let me sleep 'til the glow of dawn is breaking
I don't care if I don't awaken
Since my baby's gone

SEEN WHILE OUT AND ABOUT

 

I was behind this guy pulling into Menards displaying this bumpersticker. Standard MAGA 30-something asshole: driving a big pick-up, wearing a backward camo hat. Takes up 1.5 spaces parking his beast. Spits as he exits the vehicle. Definite poster boy for this trope. First time I have seen it.

AL STEWART: ROADS TO MOSCOW

 

An old favorite of mine. One can easily flip the story of a Russian soldier fighting against the German onslaught with a Ukrainian soldier fighting against the Russian onslaught. The ending however, remains a uniquely Russian tragedy. 

 

 

THE WATERGIRL

                                                                                                                                                                            Emila Yusof

One day, Watergirl and I were talking and she recounted her fondness for salt water pools and the warm Caribbean waters off Bimini. She felt that these environments made her the most relaxed, a return to where we all came from: the womb of our species-the ocean.

KASHMIR

 Oh, let the sun beat down upon my face
And stars fill my dream...

THE AWAKENING EARTH

                                                                                                                                                                Maxfield Parrish

We should go into Spring like greedy pirates,

making snow angels in piles of glittering doubloons,

drinking in the season's exuberant energy

like tankards of rum.

 

Under fair skies and a morning breeze,

unfurl the yards of linen

and sail for the Summer that lies

just over the horizon.

EVIL IS OUT THERE, WALKING

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                    Lynsey Addario NYT

 

A mom, her two children and a church volunteer were fleeing the Kyiv suburb of Irpin when a mortar round stuck twelve yards away, killing them all. The father was in Eastern Ukraine tending to his ailing mother.

                                                                                                                                                                                                         Serhiy Perebyinis

    Tetiana Perebyinis, 43 and Mykyta, 18                           Alisa Perebyinis, 9

Their bodies were found slumped beside a monument to the World War II dead.

The horror.

 

OUR PAST SIX YEARS IN A NUTSHELL

 

                                                                                                                                                              David Sipress

ANTIDOTE

 

Reflections on the forthcoming Spring by NYT columnist Margaret Renkl:

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/07/opinion/spring-happiness-climate-change.html

MOMS HELPING MOMS

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                    Francesco Malavolta

Polish Moms left prams one of their rail stations for Ukrainian Moms who had to leave theirs behind while fleeing Kyiv.

KYIV

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Gleb Garanich/Reuters

 

Children being evacuated.

 

A COUPLE OF GREYS HANGING OUT

 

HARBINGERS OF SPRING

 

A bit past sunrise this morning, I was outside preparing for the tree trimmers and I heard a RWBB call from the wetlands to the east of my house. Only in recent years have I begun to grasp that the Red-wings are among the earliest species to return, much earlier than the Robins. Also, I noticed that the crocus and daffs have poked their heads up in the front bed that receives a lot of warming sun. The snow is pretty much gone except for those areas shaded from sunlight and the parking lot piles. 

Yay!

FASNACHT

 

                                                   Effigy of Old Man Winter                    all photos by Luke Sharrett NYT

 

Last weekend, in Helvetia, WV, home to 85 souls, celebrated the old European tradition of Fasnacht. Of Swiss origin, communities burn Old Man Winter in effigy to mark the transition from Winter to Spring. Like many carnival fetes, mask wearing is common.

 

MARDI GRAS MUSIC: ZOMBIELAND BY T-BONE BURNETT

NEW POEM BY C

 

First bird out, the cardinal

fluffs and flusters round the feeder

scattering the overnight snow.

His missus arrives to breakfast

at a clean table.

Such a fine and conjugal bird!

"I'll warm up the car," says my husband.

Through the window I see him

brushing snow off the windshield

with his right wing.

 

 

 

Backstory: C witnessed this cardinal event yesterday morning. My real-life action was snowblowing the drive. The photo above was taken a couple of weeks ago.

 

THE BEAR AT THE GATES OF KYIV

 

 

I am heartsick for my Slavic sisters and brothers in Ukraine. 

No one in the West has the stomach for this fight because of the nukes. They are toothless, neutered dogs who can only bark wildly about "severe" sanctions. Putin has called their bluff and no matter how his own people suffer, he will continue pursuing his dream of rebooting the Russian Empire. After all, it's all about him. Meanwhile, the Chinese, every other dictator on the planet and the Republicans will break out their Festivus poles and start whining about their grievances and victimhood. What a bunch of snowflaky bitches.

 

If you behave, I'll let you buy oil from me. Otherwise, freeze and die in a ditch.

хорошего дня! (have a nice day!)

 

BEAR TO TOWN: "I OWN YOU BITCHES!"

Since July of 2021, residents of South Lake Tahoe, Ca have been terrorized by a 500 lb black bear known as Hank the Tank. Nearly 30 homes have been broken into by Hank in his relentless hunt for food. Local officials from the California Fish and Wildlife have tried to deter him with paintballs, bean bags, sirens and Tasers with no avail. His mama didn't raise no fool: why forage when you can muscle your way through fences and doors and access dumpsters for scraps of Big Macs, fries and pizza? CFW spokesperson noted that such bears usually weigh 100-300 lbs  and his size is directly due to consumption of food that contributes to American human obesity.

I am surprised that the townsfolk have been so tolerant for so long. Considering the climate of incivility that has infected the country, I wonder when the public will turn up with torches and pitchforks at a town council meeting to demand the demise of Hank. Let's hope the town wisely has him relocated rather than killing him. He is just doing what we all do: trying to survive.

UPDATE: Based on DNA tests, it has been determined that there are actually three bears involved with the string of property damage events. I guess the blog title should now read "We own you bitches!".

 

OUT AND ABOUT

 

After dropping C off at her office, I began my morning shopping. I arrived at Fresh Thyme 9ish and bumped into a morning cashier I had not seen since the holidays. She has a new job in the store: hanging shelf tags and signage. While we’re chatting, a middle-aged woman walks up behind my friend and begins inquiring about strawberries. She is talking directly to me despite my friend’s store attire of apron and name tag, standing next to a cart holding tags and signs. I’m bundled up wearing a stocking cap and mask with a bascart with a number of items in front of me. The customer continues to direct her queries to me as I silently listen. Finally, when there is a pause, my friend pivots, explains where the strawberries are as she invites the woman to follow her. I have seen this behavior before where a certain kind of woman of a certain age will go directly to a male for help. I guess they figure that employees in the higher levels of store hierarchy often are male. Why bother with the underlings? Go directly to those who know. My time is important!

I needed cash for the cannabis so I drove over to the credit union ATM. Oddly, my debit card was rejected so I had to go inside. The set up has changed drastically due to Covid-no longer are there counters manned by clerks. One checks in much like how you do when you get your blood drawn at Sparrow Labs: you punch in your name into a screen, then wait to be called by the next available clerk. It feels like having a personal banker. I explain the situation to the clerk who makes me a brand new card-I joke that the magnetic strip on the back is worn away from excessive use. I pay for everything with it. I had some time so I purpose a bit of an experiment: I’ll go out and try the new card on the ATM. If it fails again, then it was not the card but some glitch with that particular machine. So, out I go and sure enough, the card is rejected. I try the other ATM and here, I am successful. I go back in and report my findings. The clerk is pleased, thanks me and said she’ll pass along news of this incident. I parted with these thoughts: I had spent much time in retail and know how Fridays and especially those on the cusp of some holiday (SuperDooper Bowl) can produce difficult customers. Thank goodness this glitch was found now and not later where it potentially could produce howling mobs with pitchforks and torches. Yes, replied the clerk, the mob isn't scheduled until later.

My rheumatologist suggested I try tart cherry capsules as I was finding the liquid version either too expensive or hard to find thanks to our continuing supply chain problems. I had prescriptions waiting so I went into my usual Rite Aid. An older clerk helped me find the capsules and as a fellow sufferer, we exchanged anecdotes. While I have osteoarthritis mainly in the hands, this poor woman has it throughout her body. She said she had been on large doses of percocet prescribed by her primary for some time until he left.  According to her tale, he announced his retirement and told her to wean off the meds. Good luck and so long. This incident seemed to be a bit off. Really? This guy just split? No referral, no pamphlet on how to safely diminish the use of your pain killers? My reckoning is that this is a cover story, a spin on what actually happened. Perhaps the doctor wanted her to wean because she had been on them too long but she refused. He may have escalated in turn by refusing to prescribe in the future. Who knows. It’s a human trait that we create myths about events, for ourselves and others, to portray us in the best light. Folks don’t like admitting their faults whether they were addicts or that they support The Roach.

Coming out of Menards, I witnessed this incident. This happened a couple of rows away in the parking lot so I could not hear what was said. Just the body language of those involved. Three young black men, dressed in hoodies were dragging several 30 gallon trash cans to a van. They were messing around as young guys often do. Out of the store, coming towards them at speed was a coatless male employee. The group did not see him but a tall, older African American man did. This gentleman must have stood a good 6’6”. I saw him say something to the white clerk who replied and the older man held up a very long sales receipt. The clerk retreated and the man joined what I then perceived to be his employees back at the van which, with because of all the writing and imagery, obviously was a company vehicle. So, what did I see? A classic micro-aggression by the white employee? Hell, there was a white guy dragging a cart containing a toilet in the same area. I didn’t see him interrogated. Or was it the clowning behavior by the hooded black young men which will immediately draw the attention of security in any retail store?

BIG SNOW A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO

Mr Red Bird

A couple of fluffers excavating for food

 

COTTONTAIL LUV, INTERRUPTED

Big Bun

 

 

We have three cottontail rabbits in residence here: one mature buck aka Big Bun and two smaller ones that we thought were siblings as we often see them hanging out together. Last evening, on a break from our film and a fire night, we saw the two younger rabbits engaged in a courtship dance in front of the big birch. About five feet from the Giving Stone, they were facing each other with maybe a foot and a half separating them. Either individually or in unison, they were jumping straight up and down. Now from what I have read, this often leads to jumping over each other and later the female rearing up on her hind legs and boxing the males ears and face. Often, coitus follows. 

Alas, it was not to be. As they were gazing into each other's eyes, our young lovers were interrupted by the unwanted presence of our giant resident Racoon, Goliath. He lives under the deck and had come out to see what was left on the Giving Stone buffet. The spell was broken and the younguns dashed off to safety. 

Another sign of the oncoming Spring and perhaps we'll see a new crop of kittens. Yep, that's what baby bunnies are called. I did not know this!

FABULOUS RANT

 

Jonathan Pie: 'Boris Johnson Is a Liar' | NYT Opinion

He feels like a British version of our Lewis Black.

HOW TO OPEN A DOOR-FINNISH INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEO FROM 1979

 

Curious short that seems akin to Python with a dash of Finnish dry humour. Why does it exist? C considered that it could be an advanced piece for ESL (English as a Second Language) to refine skills-not only explaining something but doing so in an understandable manner. Tenses, verbs for someone whose language does these things differently than in English, can be pretty tricky.

 

Are there follow ups such as how to hold a cup, how to take a drink from a cup, how to pour liquid into a cup? The possibilities are endless.

MR STAMPY!!!

A sure sign of the coming Spring-Mr Stampy is up and about. Skunks do not hibernate-they hunker down in their dens during the worst of the cold and snow. Here, usually in early February, regardless of what the Groundhog says, they emerge to find some chow and a lady skunk in order to make Lil' Stampies. By May, we'll have the little stinkers around.

OCTOPUS PLAYTIME!

SCHOOL DAZED

 

My first reaction, early morning before the caffeine had kicked in, that somehow this was an Onion article. Nope. 

Crazy times, my friends.

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/01/23/us/politics/michigan-litter-box-school.html