Since July of 2021, residents of South Lake Tahoe, Ca have been terrorized by a 500 lb black bear known as Hank the Tank. Nearly 30 homes have been broken into by Hank in his relentless hunt for food. Local officials from the California Fish and Wildlife have tried to deter him with paintballs, bean bags, sirens and Tasers with no avail. His mama didn't raise no fool: why forage when you can muscle your way through fences and doors and access dumpsters for scraps of Big Macs, fries and pizza? CFW spokesperson noted that such bears usually weigh 100-300 lbs and his size is directly due to consumption of food that contributes to American human obesity.
I am surprised that the townsfolk have been so tolerant for so long. Considering the climate of incivility that has infected the country, I wonder when the public will turn up with torches and pitchforks at a town council meeting to demand the demise of Hank. Let's hope the town wisely has him relocated rather than killing him. He is just doing what we all do: trying to survive.
UPDATE: Based on DNA tests, it has been determined that there are actually three bears involved with the string of property damage events. I guess the blog title should now read "We own you bitches!".
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