AT THE DMV

 

One thing that most folks in this country can relate to is the trial of going to the DMV or in MI the Secretary of State. Nothing like going right smack into bureaucracy of the State. It’s like getting a tooth pulled, visiting cranky in-laws or being dragged to a kid’s party at Chucky Cheese all rolled up in one. To give the State their due, they have tried to alleviate the pain. Like kiosks in Kroger or online. I tried to avoid it but the State’s penchant for creating Catch 22 situations (a fav of all bureaucracies) forced me to visit in person.

I had finally paid off the car loan and needed the title. Did the lender (a credit union) have it? Oh, I couldn’t be that lucky. Nope-had to get a replacement from the Secretary of State. I tried online. First, I had to set up an account. No go. Every password created failed. I retraced my steps to see if I had screwed up and I had. Nearly ten years ago, I created an account when I signed up for unemployment. According to the SOS clerk who later waited on me, that account would be valid for anywhere in the State system. Well, of course I didn’t know this or write down that password. It’s not on my current computer as I replaced the old one 3 years ago and didn’t transfer password data. !!@$#!! Off I go to the SOS, an apt acronym if I ever saw one. Since I was going, I brought along my driver’s license renewal as well.

I arrived at 8.45 am and was gobsmacked that there is no one waiting except for a lady with one of those walkers on wheels being let off by Spec-trans, a subsidiary of the local bus company dedicated to transporting the handicapped. I walked up and the driver and lady both say: “it’s closed. This is their late day. Not open until 11am”. Fabulous. Did I check the hours online? Why hell no.

So, I chatted with the woman for a bit. She was friendly/grumpy/opinionated and her story came out in a stream of consciousness:

80 years old (doesn’t look it) with 2 hip and knee replacements living in a motel waiting for her husband to come back (from wherever) so meanwhile she is at the SOS to get her license renewed as they are going to move to Gulf Shores, AL where she will be living a couple of miles from the beach with her husband and granddaughter who currently is studying in Ireland accompanied by a nanny who is coming too and no other relatives as her 2 sisters have disowned her and she has disowned her daughter and she is getting the license her so she doesn’t have to take the driving test in AL where she is going because she just can’t take the winters up here anymore and she can stand the heat and humidity for she lived in FL for many years and you just go from one air-conditioned box to another and she’s keeping her fingers crossed about hurricanes as she survived Andrew which leveled Homestead (FL) and it looked like the Russians had dropped several A bombs on it and I just want to get this done so when my husband gets back we can get out of here.

I left to run an errand and returned about 10.30. She was still there. The day which had started up warm with a breeze was starting to get toasty and the humidity had jumped. I walked up and chatted more. Other folks got out of their cars to get in line. Curiously, everyone was pretty laid-back and friendly. The old woman talked everyone’s arm off, pretty much repeating what I had just heard. It was a cross section of society and folks were passing around gallows-humor about what we were about to experience. A woman tried to use the kiosk in the entryway which was open and of course, while it was there to speed things up for some, didn’t work right, failing to print off what she needed. People wryly grinned. Yup. Welcome to the SOS.

Finally, at precisely 11 am the doors were unlocked. A cheerful, Latina woman at a podium began directing traffic: Do you have an appointment? She would check her screen-go to the right and sit down. Those who don’t, I can fit you in at such and such hour (mine was 12.10 pm) and go to your left and sit down. If you want to run an errand or eat lunch, you may do so. This I did, I bid the old lady so long and good luck and went to grab a sandwich and go to Menards.

I arrived back around 11.50. The old lady had managed to move over to sit with those who had appointments. There were slow periods and the traffic cop chatted with us. Another person tried to use the kiosk, which again failed to print so a supervisor was summoned. She was in her 30’s with a look on her face like she had a permanent headache. Tatts on one arm wrist to bicep. The old lady got her paperwork done and was heading out. I waved and asked if she had success. “Yep” she said “they took the last of my money and I was going to get a haircut”. She sat down to call Spec-trans for a ride and was promptly put on terminal hold. 15 minutes later she was still holding when I was notified to go sit with the appointment people.

Finally, I got a clerk and we breezed through the title paperwork. Then it was time for the license renewal. Now, if I had done this online, my current photo would have carried over. But, since I was there, their rules dictated that I get a new photo. Ohhhh noooo!!! Take off your hat, sir. She showed my pic, she was smiling and the clerk next to her tried to restrain a smirk. It’s terrible-I look like I’d been in the drunk tank for a couple of days. Fabulous.

I leave and the old lady is back outside waiting for her ride. She is sputtering about her lack of cash as she is hungry. I thank her for the chat and wish her safe journey and good luck with her new home in AL. She beamed and wished me well, too. As I leave the parking lot, I was happy to see her ride coming up the street.

Lessons for Uncle Jeff:

1) Create and remember your account info and do as much as possible online. I'll see if I can change my password.

2) Make an appointment ahead of your visit.

3) If forced to visit SOS, double-check hours of operation.

4) If you're applying for a new or renewal license and would like a decent photo, prepare your coif.