Two Guys Talkin'

B-Hey!

J-Hey

B-Not too shabby out.

J-Yeah, no wind.

B-So-marking your territory? Watering the leaves?

J-The pause that refreshes.

B-You guys crack me up when you go wild.

J-What? It's dark out-not like I'm flashing the shrubbery.

B-LOL no, it's just that you make such a novelty out of it.

J-(zip) Welp, let's go in. Let me get the slider.

B-Thank you sir-ahhhh, nice in warm in here.

J-Yeah it is. Let me go get some refreshment.

B-(stretching on couch)ohhhhhhhhhhh that feels good.

J-Everyone else in bed?

B-Yeah, Mom crashed a while ago and the Calico is in the hall.

J-Silly girl, why is she there? Did you two fight?

B-Nope. What do you have there (sniffing)? Ah, the sherry. Hmm, not the cheap stuff either. Harvey's eh?

J-Hey, the Perez ain't cheap-And here's something for you.

B-Ohhh, Aunt Karen's Little Bag of Joy? Very nice indeed. (inhaling)

B-Daayyyemmm, that's some good nip.

J-Only the best bud for my Best Bud. Slainte! (takes a good pull of sherry)

B-Slainte! To the return of the sun!

J-To the return of the sun!

B-Ohh, mannnnnnn.(rolling)

J-LOL.

J-Been a helluva year.

B-You're making money, getting into shape,Mom's doing well. How's your bro?

J-Recovering. He really dodged a bullet. I'll call him tomorrow.

B-Good to hear, man. What were those doctors thinking?

J-I dunno but they nearly killed him. Hey, who's coming in?

M-Joyeaux Noel, boys.

J/B-Happy Christmas, Madame.

J-(whispering) Did she bring anything in? I am not in the mood to be chasing a Mickey around.

B-Naw, we're good.

M-I'm just going to get a snack and go to bed. You boys don't stay up too late.

B-We won't. See you in the morning, Madame.

(sound of kibble crunching)

J-Where's Cali?

B-Oh, lurking around somewhere I am sure. Ready to give me my Christmas punch.

J-Nice. A new form of wassailing. Hey, got the munchies?

B-Is the Pope Catholic?

J-Here you go (opening bag) your favorite fishy stuff.

B-(munching) ohhh so good, so good. Thanks! Something for you on the table.

J-Mmmmm Mozarts.

(logs shift and pop)

B-What were you cooking the other day that smelled wonderful? Tasty cow judging from the bits you gave me.

J-Ahh, well that was the mushroom mixture for tonight's shepherd's pie and tomorrows dish. I grilled the steak and did the shallots outside.

B-Weird-grilling in December and not freezing your tail. So-tomorrow's feast?

J-Tartlets: mushrooms and caramelized shallots for Mom, steak and shallots for me, side dish of steamed whole green beans with romesco sauce.

B-Mmmmm sounds good. Nice and simple. Tartlets using puff pastry?

J-Yes-and whodathunkit-Pepperidge Farms is vegan!

B-Well, that's a time saver.

J-You bet! I'm pooped out-7 straight days at work. I don't feel like doing much.

Hell, I worked until 6.30 tonight.

B-Oufff. Well, man-it's warm, I've had a snack and I am high. I'm turning in. Happy Christmas.

J-(scritching) You too. Have a good winter's nap.

-

-

-

V-Jeffrey

J-hmm

V-Jeffrey, I thought I saw Michael.What has happened?

J-Dad,he flat-lined.

V-What?

J-He had a calcium imbalance which pushed his blood pressure. His heart stopped.

V-I saw him. Is he ok?

J-Yes, they brought him back.

V-It is not his time.

J-How are you? What is it like out there?

V-I can't talk to your mother-she doesn't dream.

J-She needs to leave, Dad.

V-You know, I nearly died on Christmas Eve. They came across the river. And we came this close. And in the morning we saw. I dreamt about that for years.

J-How is it out there, Dad?

V-Take care, son.

B-Hey, man-you're dreaming-talking.

J-My father was here.

B-You were asleep. Go to bed. I'll explain in the morning.

J-Ohh, ok.

-

-

-

M-Are you going to tell him?

B-No, he doesn't need to know.

M-Ok. He's fragile for an ape.

B-Stronger than you think.

Two Guys Talkin'

B-What's shakin'?
J-Hey, man!
B-Was that white crap I saw falling from the sky?
J-'fraid so.
B-Oooooohhhh nooooooooooooooooo
J-Oh, stop howling. It's an El Nino year so it's gonna be mild.
B-Sez your weather "experts"?
J-It's an educated prediction.
B-Oh, I love when you apes do your edumacated stuff. Usually effs everything up and we all get hurt.
J-Will you stop whining? How the hell are you? 
B-Not too shabby for an old guy.
J-I hear you.
B-Things better at work?  Your post on FB was amusing-I have to say that those apes are crazy. Gawd.
J-Well, the remodel is just about done but it won't change the effed up nature of things. For example, we have a local coffee on sale but have been out for days. I whined to mgt and was told that the owner hadn't paid the vendor yet. Helluva way to run a business.
B-Geez-cash flow problems?
J-Naw, the jackass likes to play games with payments.
B-Hmmm-what a piece of work.
J-Ayup.
B-Where's Mom?
J-Women's Conference in Milwaukee.
B-Gee-last year it was warm Puerto Rico, this year Beertown? Talk about cash flow problems. 
J-Not a clue, man. 
B-Ah, Milwaukee-reminds me of an old cheesy country song from the 60's-"What's Made Milwaukee Famous (made a loser out of me)".
J-I have actually heard of that. Who did it?
B-The Killer!!! 

J- Wow! Direct from the Holiday Inn in Memphis! Try the meatloaf in the Rainbow Room!
B-Can you imagine the big hair and false eyelashes per capita in that room?
J-Yeah, scary. Hey, thanks to all for the contribution to the holiday card this year. You guys did a great job.
B-Thanks! Not too catcentric? I mean, some folks might be put off.
J-Naw, and too bad if they are. Those with cats will get it. BTW.
shrew's tails?
B-Ohhhhhhhhhh yes. Quite a delicacy in some parts. When I lived with the Monsignor at the Vatican, his cook used to whip up shrew's tails in aspic for the holidays. It was so good!
J-Dude, you're drooling.
B-Shrew's tail stew is pretty good as well. 
J-So, the cook liked you?
B-Ohhhh, she loved me. She hated mice and I was a champion mouser. I always left the corpses in a designated spot for her to dispose of.
J-Why not just take them outside? 
B-I had to prove my worth-how else would she know if I was doing my job?
J-Well, why can't you do that at home now????
B-Eh.
J-Whattyamean eh? And I ain't gonna be whipping up any dead critter in aspic for you. I'm not going to be blackmailed by a cat.
B-My, aren't we jumping to conclusions. First, I'm NOT the one bringing in the mice. You can thank Madame Namaste for that. Second, I don't expect you to cook anything. We have a different relationship. Finally, blackmail is an unfortunate term. I prefer "arrangement".
J-Don't try to obscure the facts with semantics.
B-It's all a matter of perception.
J-Hmm, read a lot of Machiavelli while in Rome?
B-He is no stranger there.
J-You're scary sometimes.
B-Benefits of remembering past lives, which, as an ape, you cannot.
J-So, what's with you and the Calico sleeping together?
B-Would you care to rephrase that? Really dear boy, that was unkind.
J-Ah, yes. My bad. What is up with you and the Calico sleeping in close proximity to each other? And, in the dominant position as well? 
B-It's a mystery to me as well. She still harasses and ambushes me daily. I think it's a case of her liking to snuggle into the corner of the couch more than fighting me for position. 
J-Hmm-so not Camp David accord?
B-I am afraid not. It's fine. I've dealt with worse than that silly Parisian brat.
J-Ha! 
B-When does Mom get back?
J-Sunday late.
B-Weird not having her here.
J-No one to pester? LOL
B-I do not pester. I very much enjoy her attention.
J-All day long as she tells it.
B-Oh and the grey blob doesn't? The one who gets supremely pissed and throws punches at me because I merely enter the room?
J-Molls does revert to kittenhood. We all know that.
B-Pain in my ass.
J-Sigh. Well, bud-my roast is ready. Want a snack?
B-You bet. And thanks for keeping the tail sniffers away while I am trying to eat. Very annoying of the girls when they do that.
J-I know! WTF?? I got your back, buddy.
B-You're the best!


 

English Landscape Curiosities

We recently received a postcard from our English friend Anna depicting Northumberlandia, the Lady of the North. She had visited there and thought we would enjoy the visual. Designed by Charles Jencks, it is said to be the world's largest human landform sculpture. It is located in Northumberland, north of Newcastle.

The English have a long history of using the landscape to create images. From prehistoric times in Oxfordshire, the Uffington Horse.

From the 16th -17th Century-The Long Man of Wilmington in East Sussex.

From the 17th Century in Dorset, The Cerne Abbas Giant.

While they are noted in documents dating as early as the 1500's, crop circles began appearing in the modern era in the 1970's. 

Within a few years, the designs became much more complicated and intricate:

Two Guys Talkin'

B-Hey bro!
J-Ma man, suupp! (fist bump)
B-It's finally warming back up. WTF was up with last week? It was like October!
J-I know! The tomatoes were whining.
B-Good crop this year. Well done.
J-Yep and mighty tasty. Eggplant are finally coming in. 
B-I read that the Weather Service is calling for a warm September. Jet Stream is moving north.
J-I can live with that. Extend the growing season. I'm not ready for cold weather yet.
B-You're not going to get all morose about summer ending and start quoting Tom Waits?
J-Nope. Not even melancholic about it.
B-Whoa-are you feeling all right? You've been hitting the plonck on a regular basis.
J-I'm good, man.
B-Well, you're looking good-lost some weight, moving around pretty well.
J-Yep, the BH weight loss program-sling stock and lose weight. About 20 lbs.
B-Good deal-and was that your wedding suit you got into Friday-an ape in a monkey suit lol. Oh, I just kill myself sometimes.
J-Yes, that is quite clever and yes, you are correct.
B-Who died?
J-Interview, idiot.
B-Oh yes...I forgot. So, good times? On the road to a steady supply of pate?
J-Man, you do have a one-track mind. I think it went well but I think I don't have the skill set they want.
B-Are you just being modest or is your usual negative self-esteem rearing it's ugly head?
J-Shrug, it was obvious that they were a bit bummed I didn't know more about some stuff. It will come down to whether or not they want to do remedial training or not. I got on well with them, though.
B-Well, what will be will be-I hope it works out. I know the money and hours aren't good at BH.
J-No, the money sucks and now there is an issue with C being at school 7am to 9.30pm on her class days. That is way too much.
B-Ewwww, no shit, man! That is just brutal.
J-I know-this is just taking longer than I imagined.
B-It will all work out, buddy (head butt).
B-Speaking of losing weight-good grief, man-Mom is skinny!
J-Yep. I'm thinking 30 lbs + lost.
B-Whoa-is she alright?
J-Yeah, she's eating well-just calorie restriction. 
B-What about calcium and the anti-hormone pills?
J-Well, that I am concerned about-don't want her bones to start breaking all over the place. Maybe the supplement powder in chocolate almond milk will help out.
B-She eats no dairy.
J-I know, man. 
B-Well, she looks great. She's got that Mia Farrow/Rosemary's Baby cut going on. Yowsa!
J-Perhaps not the greatest reference but yes, she looks great. She thought I was nutty to suggest going to the barber to have the neck hair trimmed but in the end, she was thrilled with the result. Sometimes, simple things make a big difference.
J-Speaking of hair coming back, glad to see your hair has come back in the wounds area. I can feel the scars.
B- Yeah, I'm good. Son of a bitch hasn't been back. Mission Accomplished!
J-I'm happy for you-what is up with all the barfing and don't deny it-I know it's you. 
B-Stress,man.
J-You mean, stress caused by The Calico?
B-Yep, stress being black.
J-What?
B-Yeah, man-I totally identify and sympathize with my black ape brother and sisters-every single effin moment, I am at risk of getting harassed, beaten up, intimidated all because I am black.
J-Ok wait a minute-this is just a bit much to take in. You claim the Calico is messing with you because you're black?
B-Damn straight!
J-Forgive me, but I thought y'all were colorblind...literally. (sorry EM)
B-How do you know we can't see color? Even so, she can tell I am darker than a grey.
J-Isn't this more about dominance and the fact she considers herself an alpha cat?
B-Nope. She hates me 'cuz I'm black.
J-Dude, with all due respect, this is not only a slippery slope but a rather preposterous one. Especially relating your experience to those of color in America.
B-She hates me cuz I'm black. Miss Multi-Color feels so superior.
J-I think being from France, no less from Paris is pushing that attitude. Besides, when has race even been a concept with the feline tribe? I think this is bullshit.
B-Oh yeah? She bitches cuz I'm loud-just like those book club ladies who were booted off the train in CA.
J-You are more talkative than the girls, I will give you that. But I still don't think you can do a species jumping analogy here. 
B-Just sayin' I can relate. I'm tense all the time so I toss up my kibble. I never know when I'm going to get messed with,that's all. You're the one bitchin' about cleaning it up. Get rid of The Calico and problem solved. Save money on Resolve carpet cleaner.
J-And that is exactly what Mom and I hear from Tomi. Get rid of the black one. Gawd, can't we just all get along?
B-Fuck her! I CAME with this place-I was living rough cuz those two ape bitches abandoned me. I was here first!!
J-Well, it does seem there is an analogy with us in this case: the two of you aren't going to budge in your prejudices.
B-Nope.
J-Sigh and how will we make progress and have some peace.
B-Bitch can change.
J-And she probably has the same idea for you. Well, at least neither of you have progeny to pass along all this shit onto. It dies with you. Won't have some bullshit over a battle flag flying over the courthouse 150 years after the war.
B-Fine by me.
J-Well I am not going to get you kitty valium. You two need to work this out. And really, is it as bad as you say? I see you two sleeping within a foot of each other on the couch.
B-SHE'S the one who needs the meds-she'll be fine for awhile then boom-she gets all crazy and starts hitting me. It ain't right.
J-No, it isn't. And here the analogy with us stays true-it ain't right what happens to folk. 400 years of shit. It takes a long, long time to change the ape heart, I am afraid. I thought we had made progress and indeed, in some ways we have. But overall, we have not and this grieves me. I thought we were better than this. The curse of 60's idealism. 
B-I don't get it, man. I cannot relate.
J-Goes back to our tribal roots. Anyone not like ourselves is viewed as a threat. You do not fucking get to drink from our water hole!!! Add 400 years of crap and it's a monumental mess that will probably take hundreds of more years to sort out. 
B-That's messed up.
J-Yep. 
B-Oi. All this heavy talk has made me peckish and you need a refill. Exit stage right?
J-Sointly! 
B-Hey, your birthday is coming up
J-Yeah, a few weeks. The big one is my brother Mike's-it's the big seven oh for him.
B-Wow.
J-I know! We're all getting up there. 
B-Makes me hungry thinking about it.
J-Ok ok. Let's get a snack.

Two Guys Talkin'

B-Whew, hot one!
J-I hear ya-finally summer. Tough having those fur pajamas, though.
B-At least your tomatoes like it.
J-You bet! Glad to see you're healing up. You knucklehead.
B-Son of a bitch came back and I whupped him.
J-Well it looks like you got whupped as well. Geez man, matching set of scars on either side of your face. You look like an old prize fighter.
B-Whatever. Mom's looking good.
J-Yes, she is! All done with the radiation, hair coming back. Weight where she likes it.
B-I like the GI Jane cut but I think it will be interesting to see how it evolves.
J-Me too. Who knows where it will go. Bottom line: this part of the journey is over. She's feeling good-eating well, sleeping well and getting back into the work. 
B-Glad she took our advice to rest up and heal for awhile.
J-Well, you guys are experts at that!
B-(stretching) of course! You're the driven apes. Oh, congrats to your species for flying an object past another uninhabitable rock. Well done! Not that the rest of us on the planet gives a shit but good for you!
J-Certainly faint praise indeed.
B-Does this accomplishment put pate in my dish? NO! How much money was spent on this and you have folks starving? Oh, wait-that's in the Third World so who cares. They'll make more who will have short and brutal lives. But man, they can have pix of some effin' piece of rock billions of miles away. Yeah, that will fill the belly.
J-Are you done? What's got your fur in a twist?
B-17 reasons.
J-Ohhhhh, the Republican candidate dwarves?
B-Well one of those bastards is going to be president.
J-Wow, writing off Hillary already?
B-Statistically, she doesn't have a chance in this cycle. And she's a Clinton without Bill's charm. There's not an authentic bone in that woman's body.
J-Sounds a little sexist although considering you're a cat, not sure if this applies.
B-Just saying, dude-that woman has more baggage than a bi-polar widow with three dead husbands. Besides-let's just say for the sake of argument, she manages to win. Can she govern? Hell, the Right hates her more than Obama and shit hasn't gotten done in the last 8 years. You want 8 more years of this crap?
J-And they will cozy up to that Socialist Sanders?
B-I love that son of a bitch. He'll just give them the finger and fight it out in the court of public opinion.
J-Hmm, so a latter day Harry Truman?
B-Yep and he'll fuck Wall Street and all those lobbyist whores that push the legislation.
J-Wow-I didn't know you kept up on all this. You're doing better than 90% of my species and you can't vote!
B-Sad ain't it? Most of your kind are dumber than a box of calicos. How else did Dubya get elected TWICE?
J-Uhhh the Supreme Court helped?
B-DON'T GET ME STARTED ON SCALIA  AND ROBERTS.
J-So, what's behind this passion about our politics? It really doesn't impact on you.
B-You are the dominant species in the dominant nation state. We've learned to keep an eye on things. Things do impact us. All of us.
J-Well, I am not any happier than you. Once again, hold nose and vote. Especially with several in the Supreme Court in their 80's. 
B-Yeah, that's an effin' nightmare waiting to happen.
J-I think it will go with the Establishment's anointed: Bush, Clinton.
B-Well, you better pray it isn't one of the assholes like Walker. Oily and crazy. I mean, just what kind of future does he and his ilk see for the country once they do everything they want to do?
No middle class left to buy anything. When it finally sinks in that the American Dream is dead-it will get ugly, man-I have seen this in the past. Burn, baby burn. But back then all you had to deal with was the National Guard killing a few of you. Now, send in the drones and some asshole sitting in a bunker in Nevada will be launching missiles into the protesters. He'll be medicated (in the morning cup of joe), brainwashed and disconnected from the killing so he won't give it a second's thought. Push the button and those traitors go up in a blast of smoke. Medal, baby!
J-Whoa-pretty bleak future, man.
B-Hopefully I'll have some lag time before the next reincarnation and miss all of it. 
J-Oh, stop it-(scritching ears) no reason to get morbid.
B-Sigh, I know. Oh, it's cooling off. Mom's gone to bed.
J-Yep. The fireflies are out. Finally, a breeze. What's the moon?
B-Waxing gibbous. Mostly cloudy, though.
J-There she is.
B-Mmmm, nice night. Whatcha drinking there?
J-Snout out of the glass, man-Cuba Libre.
B-Perfect for a warm evening. Just need a beach and ocean breeze. Some comely felines....
J-Well, my comely feline is snoozing.
B-You apes and your pair-bonding. I don't understand it. Variety is the spice of life.
J-There is a lot of security when you just have one over the years. You know they have your back. There's comfort in that. And, they know you and have seen you at your best and worst and have chosen to stay. 
B-We don't live that long-maybe that's part of it.
J-Could be. It works for us and the other works for you. One is not better than the other.
B-What's that on the spinner?
J-Segovia, original recordings.
B-I recognized the Bach. Man, all of this has made me peckish. How about a snack and a refill?
J-Sure.
B-And then let's go and see if Big Stampy is out by the feeder.
J-Doesn't take much to make you happy does it? LOL
B-Hey, I want to know where the big guy is. I was thinking of retiring to one of the deck chairs. Thanks for putting the cushions out, BTW.
J-My pleasure. C'mon. Let's get some chow. And then I gotta piss.
B-Off the deck??
J-You bet. Always fun watering the garden at night. Skeeters are finally scare now. Hard to explain bites on the equipment, lol.
B-Good times!!


 

Two Guys Talkin'

J-Hey dude, you're healing up nicely.

B-Yeah.

J-You old gladiator (scritching left ear)-you forgot to duck again.

B-I bring up a John Wayne quote from his last film “The Shootist”:

I won't be wronged. I won't be insulted. And I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people, and I require the same from them.

J-Who was it this time?

B-Oh, that tuxedo cat, the one who ignored Mom when she hollered at him.

J-Where is he from?

B-Condotrash.

J-What was he doing here?

B-Precisely my question to him. Son of a bitch thinks he can just saunter on my turf like he owns it.

J-He bit you under the eye, man!

B-I get up close and personal with these mofos. Have to since they took my claws and balls.....bastards!

J-Oh here we go.

B-How am I supposed to fight? Then YOU have the Ms. Poke Something Up My Ass trim what I have left.

J-Dude, now just calm down. That wound was as big as a quarter and you kept opening the scab.

B-It itched.

J-I know but we had to get some antibiotic in you and the vet thought it was wise to dull your claws a bit so you could heal.

B-But it's all I got.

J-I know buddy but we had to give you a chance to heal up. You heard her-you're getting too old for this shit.

B-Never too old to protect what's mine.

J-Sigh. And we thank you for your service and recognize your sacrifices. Man, you're all beat up-you're like one of those old boxers. At least your ears are intact.

B-Well, as the old joke goes-If you think this is bad, you should see how the other guy looks! That fucker won't be back for awhile.

J-Well, so much for this being a family column. And I'm not going to even ask. Glad you and the girls have avoided Big Stampy.

B-What is with that thing-gawd it stinks.

J-So, even when it doesn't squirt, it stinks?

B-Lord yes. And what is up with the mosquitoes?

J-Ten inches of rain.

B-It's awful out there. Can't snooze in my favorite spots.

J-Shit, I have to practically wear netting just to pick the raspberries.

B-No pool this year? I mean, I don't swim but you guys usually have it opened.

J-Too cold and Mom can't get into the sun because of the radiation treatments.

B-Ohhhh. Her hair's coming back. That's a good thing.

J-Yes, it is. She should have a nice butch cut by the time school starts.

B-Stylish.

J-Are we being sarcastic?

B-No, no. I see a lot of short hairs and pixie cuts out there.

J-Uhhh, like where?

B-Oh, around.

J-OOOKKKK-well, you guys better lay low next couple of nights. Fireworks time.

B-Oh Gawd yes. Hurts our ears. Why are you apes so noisy?

J-I dunno-I don't do it. I gotta get up in the morning.

B-Ah, yes. How are things in Retail Hell?

J-Same old crap. Crazy fuckin' people. Great black holes of need. Emotional vampires. Sigh-a lot of suffering out there.

B-Shrug-goes with being alive. What's that old Jewish saying-Life-life is trouble.

J-Yep it sure can be at times.

B-Yawn, apes should take more naps. So how's Mom doing?

J-Better, thanks. Only a couple weeks left of getting zapped. Eating and sleeping decently. Spirits better although she was bummed that one of her colleagues has just been diagnosed.

B-Oufff-sorry man.

J-Yeah thanks.

J-Pretty historic week recently.

B-Oh, the marriage equality thing. Yeah-we can't figure what the problem is with you apes on this issue. Love is love.

J-It's the crazy God people.

B-Oi vey. All that crap made sense 5000 years ago when they were just a starving tribe trying to survive in a hostile desert environment. Pretty high infant mortality rate so when it came to that sort of same-sex intimacy-ok folks, for the future of the tribe-let's put our efforts toward making babies. Then someone came up with the idea of enforcement: Big Daddy in the Sky. Can't see him but HE CAN SEE YOU and brother, he will fuck you up if you don't get with the program so y'all betta pay attention!

J-In a nutshell, yup!

B-Well, good for the gay folk and all the other in that endless acronym. Love is love*.

(*amongst consenting adults. Does not apply to adult/minor or inter-species encounters except in 4 unspecified counties in Utah, Florida and Alabama. Individual results may vary.)

B-You know Molls has an internet following.

J-What?

B-Oh yes. Madame Mollyskova's Sun Yoga. She has this vaguely Russian fantasy going.

J-Molls is conducting yoga sessions....
B-See...

 Figure 3

I call this the Dead Mouse in the Library Pose. Start on your left side, extend right arm and leg outward and Ladies, discreetly place your tail between your legs because you are, after all, Ladies. Breathe in and hold, then breathe out, letting go of all of your day's stress. Repeat 5 times then turn over to your right side.

J-Good grief. How many hits does she have>
B-Hmm let's see...oh 145,067. Evidently, they love her in Sweden and Estonia.
J-Where's the ad revenue??!!!
B-No ads.
J-OH FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST, Molls-gets some ads!!!!
B-I  think she is going for fame rather than fortune,buddy.
J-Maru made a fortune for it's Japanese Mommy-time for Molls to help finance that expense kibble I have to buy to maintain her...uh....slender physique. 
J-Unbelievable. 
B-Shrug-I think it is quite admirable.
J-What a suck up. I see you're still chummy with her.
B-Why not? She has been quite good at putting the Calico in her place. You witnessed that yourself the other night.
J-(snort) Yeah, Cali didn't see that one coming.
B-And so, I do not mind adding a little mild support to her efforts.
J-Read "The Prince" eh?
B-Required reading from where I am from. Well, have a Happy Big Noise Day or whatever it is you apes are celebrating.
J-Oh, aren't we blase? It's an important day in the history of our nation.
B-Hmm, one of many. You come and you go. Tis the way of things. Speaking of which, I am a tad peckish. I wonder if a nice helping of pate is in order after this blogging session comes to a close.
J-What's with the formality-you been reading Wodehouse? 
B-My dear ape, I can't possibly understand what you mean.
J-C'mon, let's get you some grub. 
B-Oh, that is so very good of you sir, you are such a gentleman and so generously thoughtful of you to take my needs under your consideration.
J-Give me strength.