Two Guys Talkin'

B-Hey bro!
J-Ma man, suupp! (fist bump)
B-It's finally warming back up. WTF was up with last week? It was like October!
J-I know! The tomatoes were whining.
B-Good crop this year. Well done.
J-Yep and mighty tasty. Eggplant are finally coming in. 
B-I read that the Weather Service is calling for a warm September. Jet Stream is moving north.
J-I can live with that. Extend the growing season. I'm not ready for cold weather yet.
B-You're not going to get all morose about summer ending and start quoting Tom Waits?
J-Nope. Not even melancholic about it.
B-Whoa-are you feeling all right? You've been hitting the plonck on a regular basis.
J-I'm good, man.
B-Well, you're looking good-lost some weight, moving around pretty well.
J-Yep, the BH weight loss program-sling stock and lose weight. About 20 lbs.
B-Good deal-and was that your wedding suit you got into Friday-an ape in a monkey suit lol. Oh, I just kill myself sometimes.
J-Yes, that is quite clever and yes, you are correct.
B-Who died?
J-Interview, idiot.
B-Oh yes...I forgot. So, good times? On the road to a steady supply of pate?
J-Man, you do have a one-track mind. I think it went well but I think I don't have the skill set they want.
B-Are you just being modest or is your usual negative self-esteem rearing it's ugly head?
J-Shrug, it was obvious that they were a bit bummed I didn't know more about some stuff. It will come down to whether or not they want to do remedial training or not. I got on well with them, though.
B-Well, what will be will be-I hope it works out. I know the money and hours aren't good at BH.
J-No, the money sucks and now there is an issue with C being at school 7am to 9.30pm on her class days. That is way too much.
B-Ewwww, no shit, man! That is just brutal.
J-I know-this is just taking longer than I imagined.
B-It will all work out, buddy (head butt).
B-Speaking of losing weight-good grief, man-Mom is skinny!
J-Yep. I'm thinking 30 lbs + lost.
B-Whoa-is she alright?
J-Yeah, she's eating well-just calorie restriction. 
B-What about calcium and the anti-hormone pills?
J-Well, that I am concerned about-don't want her bones to start breaking all over the place. Maybe the supplement powder in chocolate almond milk will help out.
B-She eats no dairy.
J-I know, man. 
B-Well, she looks great. She's got that Mia Farrow/Rosemary's Baby cut going on. Yowsa!
J-Perhaps not the greatest reference but yes, she looks great. She thought I was nutty to suggest going to the barber to have the neck hair trimmed but in the end, she was thrilled with the result. Sometimes, simple things make a big difference.
J-Speaking of hair coming back, glad to see your hair has come back in the wounds area. I can feel the scars.
B- Yeah, I'm good. Son of a bitch hasn't been back. Mission Accomplished!
J-I'm happy for you-what is up with all the barfing and don't deny it-I know it's you. 
B-Stress,man.
J-You mean, stress caused by The Calico?
B-Yep, stress being black.
J-What?
B-Yeah, man-I totally identify and sympathize with my black ape brother and sisters-every single effin moment, I am at risk of getting harassed, beaten up, intimidated all because I am black.
J-Ok wait a minute-this is just a bit much to take in. You claim the Calico is messing with you because you're black?
B-Damn straight!
J-Forgive me, but I thought y'all were colorblind...literally. (sorry EM)
B-How do you know we can't see color? Even so, she can tell I am darker than a grey.
J-Isn't this more about dominance and the fact she considers herself an alpha cat?
B-Nope. She hates me 'cuz I'm black.
J-Dude, with all due respect, this is not only a slippery slope but a rather preposterous one. Especially relating your experience to those of color in America.
B-She hates me cuz I'm black. Miss Multi-Color feels so superior.
J-I think being from France, no less from Paris is pushing that attitude. Besides, when has race even been a concept with the feline tribe? I think this is bullshit.
B-Oh yeah? She bitches cuz I'm loud-just like those book club ladies who were booted off the train in CA.
J-You are more talkative than the girls, I will give you that. But I still don't think you can do a species jumping analogy here. 
B-Just sayin' I can relate. I'm tense all the time so I toss up my kibble. I never know when I'm going to get messed with,that's all. You're the one bitchin' about cleaning it up. Get rid of The Calico and problem solved. Save money on Resolve carpet cleaner.
J-And that is exactly what Mom and I hear from Tomi. Get rid of the black one. Gawd, can't we just all get along?
B-Fuck her! I CAME with this place-I was living rough cuz those two ape bitches abandoned me. I was here first!!
J-Well, it does seem there is an analogy with us in this case: the two of you aren't going to budge in your prejudices.
B-Nope.
J-Sigh and how will we make progress and have some peace.
B-Bitch can change.
J-And she probably has the same idea for you. Well, at least neither of you have progeny to pass along all this shit onto. It dies with you. Won't have some bullshit over a battle flag flying over the courthouse 150 years after the war.
B-Fine by me.
J-Well I am not going to get you kitty valium. You two need to work this out. And really, is it as bad as you say? I see you two sleeping within a foot of each other on the couch.
B-SHE'S the one who needs the meds-she'll be fine for awhile then boom-she gets all crazy and starts hitting me. It ain't right.
J-No, it isn't. And here the analogy with us stays true-it ain't right what happens to folk. 400 years of shit. It takes a long, long time to change the ape heart, I am afraid. I thought we had made progress and indeed, in some ways we have. But overall, we have not and this grieves me. I thought we were better than this. The curse of 60's idealism. 
B-I don't get it, man. I cannot relate.
J-Goes back to our tribal roots. Anyone not like ourselves is viewed as a threat. You do not fucking get to drink from our water hole!!! Add 400 years of crap and it's a monumental mess that will probably take hundreds of more years to sort out. 
B-That's messed up.
J-Yep. 
B-Oi. All this heavy talk has made me peckish and you need a refill. Exit stage right?
J-Sointly! 
B-Hey, your birthday is coming up
J-Yeah, a few weeks. The big one is my brother Mike's-it's the big seven oh for him.
B-Wow.
J-I know! We're all getting up there. 
B-Makes me hungry thinking about it.
J-Ok ok. Let's get a snack.