J-Hey, man!
B-Was that white crap I saw falling from the sky?
J-'fraid so.
B-Oooooohhhh nooooooooooooooooo
J-Oh, stop howling. It's an El Nino year so it's gonna be mild.
B-Sez your weather "experts"?
J-It's an educated prediction.
B-Oh, I love when you apes do your edumacated stuff. Usually effs everything up and we all get hurt.
J-Will you stop whining? How the hell are you?
B-Not too shabby for an old guy.
J-I hear you.
B-Things better at work? Your post on FB was amusing-I have to say that those apes are crazy. Gawd.
J-Well, the remodel is just about done but it won't change the effed up nature of things. For example, we have a local coffee on sale but have been out for days. I whined to mgt and was told that the owner hadn't paid the vendor yet. Helluva way to run a business.
B-Geez-cash flow problems?
J-Naw, the jackass likes to play games with payments.
B-Hmmm-what a piece of work.
J-Ayup.
B-Where's Mom?
J-Women's Conference in Milwaukee.
B-Gee-last year it was warm Puerto Rico, this year Beertown? Talk about cash flow problems.
J-Not a clue, man.
B-Ah, Milwaukee-reminds me of an old cheesy country song from the 60's-"What's Made Milwaukee Famous (made a loser out of me)".
J-I have actually heard of that. Who did it?
B-The Killer!!!
J- Wow! Direct from the Holiday Inn in Memphis! Try the meatloaf in the Rainbow Room!
B-Can you imagine the big hair and false eyelashes per capita in that room?
J-Yeah, scary. Hey, thanks to all for the contribution to the holiday card this year. You guys did a great job.
B-Thanks! Not too catcentric? I mean, some folks might be put off.
J-Naw, and too bad if they are. Those with cats will get it. BTW.
shrew's tails?
B-Ohhhhhhhhhh yes. Quite a delicacy in some parts. When I lived with the Monsignor at the Vatican, his cook used to whip up shrew's tails in aspic for the holidays. It was so good!
J-Dude, you're drooling.
B-Shrew's tail stew is pretty good as well.
J-So, the cook liked you?
B-Ohhhh, she loved me. She hated mice and I was a champion mouser. I always left the corpses in a designated spot for her to dispose of.
J-Why not just take them outside?
B-I had to prove my worth-how else would she know if I was doing my job?
J-Well, why can't you do that at home now????
B-Eh.
J-Whattyamean eh? And I ain't gonna be whipping up any dead critter in aspic for you. I'm not going to be blackmailed by a cat.
B-My, aren't we jumping to conclusions. First, I'm NOT the one bringing in the mice. You can thank Madame Namaste for that. Second, I don't expect you to cook anything. We have a different relationship. Finally, blackmail is an unfortunate term. I prefer "arrangement".
J-Don't try to obscure the facts with semantics.
B-It's all a matter of perception.
J-Hmm, read a lot of Machiavelli while in Rome?
B-He is no stranger there.
J-You're scary sometimes.
B-Benefits of remembering past lives, which, as an ape, you cannot.
J-So, what's with you and the Calico sleeping together?
B-Would you care to rephrase that? Really dear boy, that was unkind.
J-Ah, yes. My bad. What is up with you and the Calico sleeping in close proximity to each other? And, in the dominant position as well?
B-It's a mystery to me as well. She still harasses and ambushes me daily. I think it's a case of her liking to snuggle into the corner of the couch more than fighting me for position.
J-Hmm-so not Camp David accord?
B-I am afraid not. It's fine. I've dealt with worse than that silly Parisian brat.
J-Ha!
B-When does Mom get back?
J-Sunday late.
B-Weird not having her here.
J-No one to pester? LOL
B-I do not pester. I very much enjoy her attention.
J-All day long as she tells it.
B-Oh and the grey blob doesn't? The one who gets supremely pissed and throws punches at me because I merely enter the room?
J-Molls does revert to kittenhood. We all know that.
B-Pain in my ass.
J-Sigh. Well, bud-my roast is ready. Want a snack?
B-You bet. And thanks for keeping the tail sniffers away while I am trying to eat. Very annoying of the girls when they do that.
J-I know! WTF?? I got your back, buddy.
B-You're the best!
No comments:
Post a Comment