Two Guys Talkin'

J-Oh baby, yeah baby, yeah baby, yeah baby, oh do me harder, baby....
B-Jeff, what the Hell are you doing???
J-Birch tree, second main branch, follow to the left then down a bit.
B-What?  Left and down...ohhhhhh wow sparrow sex. So you are adding some color commentary are you now? Dayam, they are really going at it!
J-You pecker, you pecker you pecker youpecker pecker peckerpeckerpeckerpecker
B-Sheeshhh!!!
J-Well, all done now, they're lighting up a smoke.
B-Hmm some post-coital thank yous, a bit of preening and...they're off.
J-Easy come, easy go.
B-
B-
J-What? I couldn't pass on that set up!
B-Apes...
J-We is what we is. So how you B Mr B? War wound healing up?
B-Yeah, fine. Thanks for taking me to the vet- the old immune system is not what it once was.
J-YW (scritching ears) old warrior. Say, Mom heard someone scream a couple of nights ago, went outside and you trotted back. Third battle of the Portal?
B-Bastard never made it that far-Molls ran in and told me he was on his way and I nailed his ass over by Johnny's pine. Preemptive strike, baby! Ya know, that cat really is becoming a major pest and he is gonna learn, one of these days. You come here, you get pain. 
J-Classic strategy my man, most creatures will try and avoid pain. 
B-One would think. So whatcha been up to...besides watching bird porn?
J-Theoretically, is that considered porn as it involves another species? Not taking an advocacy for such activities...
B-Hmmm good one. Supreme Court ruled in Roth vs US in '57 pointing to "community standards" in judging whether something was considered obscene. I would think this is not really on anyone's radar.
J-There's plenty of animal sex compilation on YouTube so one would draw the conclusion that it probably isn't considered porn. Although the word porn has morphed a bit-lots of cooking porn available with intimate close-ups of tender, sizzlingly hot steaks with their buttery juices running down the sides of their loins...
B-Uhhh, haven't gotten any in a while, buddy?
J-That's a wee bit personal, laddie.
B-Ooooookkkkkkkkkk How's Mom recovering from her op?
J-She's good-3 more weeks and she can take a tub bath and take a swim in the pool. You do need to be more careful with those back claws of yours, dude.
B-Hey, they're all I got-I'm disabled, remember?
J-You seem to be getting by alright.
B-Oh, you're turning Conservative on me? I'm a free-loader? I'm a parasite on society? How would you do without your opposable thumbs?
J-Uhh-you pulling some sort of check from the government?
B-Nooooooooooo
J-Ok then, you are being pretty Conservative yourself: fact-free and irrational.
B-When are you guys gonna do something about your Orange Pest? I'm taking care of mine.
J-No comment.
B-Oh Gawwwdd-still worried about NSA word search algorythms?
J-No comment. 
B-You are such a wuss, ape. Go and give the asshole a nice bite.That'll get his attention.
J-That it will.  I do hasten to point out that this wuss buys you your pate. And kibble. And provides a roof over your head. You don't want to go back to living rough and only having diner food do you?
B-Y'all got to do something-this guy is dumber than a hound and crazier than a skunk in heat. And what is up with the climate denial? WTF-it's getting hotter and I'm stuck with fur pajamas! The ice on the poles is shrinking, migration patterns are changing JESUS FUCKING CHRIST DO I HAVE TO BREAK OUT THE CRAYONS AND CONNECT THE DOTS FOR YOU PEOPLE??? This is back to the 17th Century for Christssakes-I was there! I was there during the Galileo trials. Between the Church, Quack Science and the Flat Earthers, oi vey!! Ignorance on parade!
J-That was an awesome rant, dude!
J-Look, man-gotta be patient. You've witnessed enough of these types-they do their damage but they never last. Just pretty tough getting to the end game. I worry about some unnatural end beyond the ballot box-the true believers will just explode and we'll have a civil war. You know how ugly those can be.
B-Yepper.
J-Any news you can share about The League?
B-They've been quiet and watching your government implode. Caught a whiff of quiet R&D with bacteria, not viruses as we have always feared. You guys have messed up and used antibiotics too much and the bacteria are gaining more and more resistance. If a superstrain is developed, you're in deep shit-the kind shit you were in prior to the 1930's. A simple scratch gets infected, you might die from it. Major surgery becomes very risky. Childbirth becomes a nightmare. Can't imagine what it will do to the insurance rates.
J-A nightmare indeed. Well, this has been cheerful-I think I need a nap.
B-(Yawn) me too. Snack before beddibye?
J-Sure man, c'mon.