Saturday, March 25, 2017

Two Guys Talkin'

B-Hello readers! It's been too long! My humans have been quite upset to say the least since November and Jeff has gone dark for the most part. So, welcome back and Dude-what is shakin'? Boy you apes have really gotten yourselves in a pickle with that orange cockroach,haven't you?
J
B-Uhh, usually you respond at this point, buddy. What's this you are writing? Oh for crying out loud? Are serious? Avoiding NSA word search algorithms?
J
B-Well, THIS is going to be interesting. You have security issues about saying anything. BTW, what is all this stuff, all these gizmos? It looks like Frankenstein's lab in here. Security stuff eh? Drone and satellite masking systems, electronic eavesdropping jamming systems and stuff I don't want to know about. OOOkk. But, dude-this is going out over the freakin' net....Oh, you have quadruple encryption going to 35 servers worldwide. Plus detection systems that when intrusion is found, sends the signal bouncing around the planet. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. Interesting. Aren't we just a bit paranoid?
J
B-Yes, yes they have the capability but that doesn't mean they will do anything. Yes, I know, there are historical precedents for such things. BTW how in the hell did you pay for all this? A second mortgage? The house is in Mom's name! YOU FORGED HER SIGNATURE!! WTF DUDE, THAT'S A FELONY!! NOT TO MENTION HOW MUCH TROUBLE YOU ARE IN WITH MOM. Well, she'll know soon enough. What? You're garbling this part of the piece? My eyes only? Well, yes-you can trust me not to tell. Swear on a can of Mariner's Catch. Dude, how did it come to this and what the hell is on your head?
J
B-Oh come on now, you can answer that, can't you? Sigh. So, what is it? A pussy hat with an aluminum hat on top. THAT is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen (well, besides the Green Bay Packers cheese heads). What does it mean? Solidarity with your sisters who Marched on Washington and protection against having your thoughts read. You are worried about aliens as well? Putin potentially is an alien stooge. And what crazy left wing version of Breitbart did you pick that up from?
J
B-Really, this is getting tiring. Hmm, no crazier than your “intelligence” that The League has Ra's controlling both Trump and Putin in order to bring about nuclear war. (ed. Note: The League is an organization of non-human species dedicated to the preservation of all other living things on the planet. It is said to be radicalizing with the ultimate goal of eliminating the Human species in order to save Earth. Ra's are super endowed felines who can control human beings with their minds-the result of enhancement 8 millennial a by a visiting alien race) What can I say-that is what I am hearing. I report, you decide. Oh, make love to myself? Such tender advice. You, my friend are completely around the bend.
J-WHAT'S THAT???!!!
B-What's what?
J-THAT SPARROW ON THE BRANCH, WHY AREN'T THESE BLINDS CLOSED? ARE YOU WITH THEM? IT'S A SURVELLENCE DRONE!! THEY HAVE HUMMINGBIRDS TOO!!!
B-Dude!-it's just a fucking sparrow. Look, I'll prove it to you. Gawd, that boy needs therapy. BRB.

A couple of minutes later....

B-pttttoooohhh-there, one sparrow head, freshly killed. See, no chips no circuits, no wiring.
J-WHAT THE FUCK!!! GET THAT OUT OF HERE!!!
B-What an ungrateful bastard you are. Ok-hey Molls-wanta sparrow head??
M-(distant) You bet!
B-At least someone's happy. Now, listen Jeff-how can I help? This is nutty and will YOU get that stupid stocking cap with the tin foil bonnet off your head. I can't take you seriously with that on.Thank you. Is Mom this wound up? Is half the population in this country crazy with fear and paranoia?
J
B-Hmm, don't read this out loud....well, yes I am still in contact with him. Hmm, viruses. They are very unpredictable and there would be collateral damage-they aren't like your laser guided munitions. Not a problem, I see. Ok man, I'll see what I can do.
J-How about some shreds? Got some whitefish and sardines.
B-mmmmmmmmmmmmmm now, that's my old bud.

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