Two Guys Talkin'

B-Trying to write your name again?

J-Jesus Christ! You scared the crap outta me!

B-You know for someone who doesn't believe in the Prophet, you sure invoke his name a lot.

J-It's just an expression and how about clearing your throat or coughing when you come up behind someone-especially when they're taking care of business.

B-You know what Sandberg said about little cat's feet-you should know this....

B-Um aren't you afraid of it getting frost bitten?

J-Generally no, except when I'm interrupted by a chattykatty-sheesh man.

B-You apes crack me up-a bit of snow and out you come-I don't get it.

J-It's because we can-we take pride in such things.

B-Wow, I can't think of a more pathetic expression of your being than this. Are you going to finish?

J-Shaddup already....ahhhhh.

B-Lotta steam-let's see...J.....K....Gee that wasn't much.

J-Shaddup (stretching) nice night-bit of snow, no wind-
how was patrol?

B-Nothing, quiet.

J-No  Mean White or Orange Menace? 

B-Which Orange Menace? In Washington or the one down the street?

J-Gawd-the last thing we need is the orange cockroach in the 'hood. No-the other one.

B-No-MW stays inside all the time and OM got his ass kicked by yours truly-he knows better than nose around these parts. Say, did you see that box on the back porch?

J-Naw-probably some recycling Mom put out

B-Mmmm I don't think so-we should check it out.

J-Ok let me get the door open-hmm it has an address: From: Elfen Express-an employee owned subsidiary of Santa Claus Inc. To: The residents of 7316 Sunset Drive.

B-Not exactly the personal touch-I thought the old boy kept a list.

J-This is weird-when did it come?

B-I thought I heard some bells a while back but thought it was the wind chimes-well lets get this bad boy inside and open it up!!

J-Watch your tail-nice and warm in here.

B-Throw another log on, man.

J Ok-the women asleep?

B-Yep Mom is in her bed, Molls is over by the heat thingy-snoring of course and Tomi is under the tree. C'mon open it up!

J Hold your horses-Jesus-they taped the crap out of this-you know this will go quicker if you get your snout out of the way.

J-Let see-for Bin-hmmm-Old Harry's Fern.

B-WOW!

J-What? 

B-Dude, this is primo nip! The Glenfinnich of nip!! Hand picked by Scottish maidens in a tiny hamlet in the Highlands-tis the only place on the planet where this variety of nip grows. Ohhhhhh I've been a very, very good boy!

J-I guess. How many murders this year?

B-27.

J-That was quick! 

B-What? You think I'm a dumb cat?

J-No, no. Just surprised. Are your numbers down? Just what made you a good boy?

B-Yeah, I've calmed down a bit-I dunno man-maybe someone is feeling generous.

J-There is something for me..Oh, my favorite cream sherry and...oh, how nice..some Scottish shortbread to go with them. I haven't had this combo in years.

B-Well, I think someone thinks you're special.

J-Hmm. For Mom-ooooooo-a nice shawl-very nice indeed.

B-And for the rest (ha! original Gilligan's Island theme)..hmm. Nada.

J-I am thinking the box is about Moll's size and you know how she adores a good box and the cello wrapping-Miss Calico fashion plate will love wearing this. But wait, there's more! Fishy treats!

B-Oooooo Bagna Calda flavored!!!Wonderful-I haven't had this since I lived in the Vatican! Oh, man, Mrs. Moretti-the Monsignor's housekeeper, made the best bagna calda.

J-Well-shall we? 

B-Hell yes! Give me a bit o'nip...(long sniff) dayemmmmm!!!

J-(sound of cork popping, liquid flowing into glass, a sip) Mmmm. (scritching Bin's tummy) How's it going, buddy?

B-Oh man, this is sublime-I swear I hear bagpipes.

J-That's just Molls snoring, man, lol. Nice fire.

B-Yeah, it is.

J-What a year. Crazy stuff.

B-There will always be, man. Tis the way of the world. 

B-Sorry about your Mother.

J-It's ok. 5 years slumped in a wheelchair, parked in a room for hours with a blaring TV. Trapped in that body of hers. That's no way to go. Glad she has gone on her way.

B-yep.

B-So-changes for you-letting the beard grow, parting the hair-are you Prufrocking? 

J-"Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?" Naw. I do not view my life as wasted or suffering from modern malaise. (Although if a certain public official(s) should catch fire or go to jail, well, things would be better)

B-It's unusual that you have come out so publicly.

J-Hmmmm coming out has some specific meanings in these here parts, buddy.

B-Oh, don't be silly. I meant your looks.

J-Don't really care-feel like something different.

B-And yet, the same frames for your glasses.

J-Are you busting my balls here, cat?

B-Just an observation...

J-Hey, I didn't like anything else. Ok? Sheesh.

B-And you are looking forward to February? What are you going to do with yourself?

J-Yes, and I don't know. I am looking forward to not having things so structured. The open road-like when I went out West. 

B-Ahhh
J-Ahhh. WTF Stoned cat making pronouncements on my future.

B-Wow-a tad touchy, man.

J-I have some things to do and some nothing to do. If I wanna lie in bed and read, I'm gonna do it. Jesus H. Christ.

B-There you go again.

J-Fuck you pal. You are harshing my mellow dude.

B-And, the snow is covering up your name. Well, that's time, isn't it. All becomes dust and blows away.

J-Oh gawd give me strength-Joe Philosopher here.

B-Been there, done that. It's your species curse that you don't remember your past lives. You remain the same, stuck in neutral dumbasses that take centuries to learn and grow. No wonder The League wants you guys off the planet.

J-What's the latest for them?

B-They've gone dark and that is not good. Freaked me out that snippet in the Times and prohibition on tinkering around with deadly viruses has been lifted. THAT has The League's paw prints all over it. They do like the viruses. (shudder).

J-Yeah, I was troubled with that as well. Plus-I figure what's pushing it is some fucking bean counters with Big Pharm telling their masters-"There could be big bucks with this." We all die from some nasty plague as a result.

B-I'm hungry.

J-Munchies, eh? Well let me get a bowl for you.

B-You're the best!

J-Still coming down out there.

B-Yeah. Oh, thanks (munching) so good.

J-Sorry, I hollered.

B-(licking chops) well, I was a bit obnoxious. Tis the nip. Sorry buddy. Happy Christmas.

J-You as well. Another year, on the way.