Two Guys Talkin'

B-What the hell, man!  

J-Well, hello to you too.

B-What is going on around here?

J-I don't know what you are talking about. Calm down and watch your claws.

B-Don't be coy with me pal. Mom's not here very much and you are here quite a bit. And what the hell is going on in the basement?

J-You are going to give yourself a stroke. Now relax. It's end of term so Mom is working a lot.

B-Ok, what's your excuse? Why aren't you leaving in the morning?

J-Well, bud-I lost my job.

B-WHAT!!?? Are we going to starve? Are we going to become homeless?? Oh, oh, oh.

J-Dude, stop it. Mom is still working-we are going to be ok. The food dish won't go empty although everyone could lose a few lbs.

B-Yeah, well you resemble that remark.

J-My, we can get ugly. Look, the company I worked for is moving to Florida and no one up here was invited to go along. It's all good-I'm going back to school to get training for a new job and in fact, I'll be adhering more to my old schedule for the next couple of weeks. And...after next week, Mom will be home all the time until August.

B-Yaayyyy!!!

J-Well, I hope that is for both of us.

B-Uhh, sure-glad for you, man.

J-That's not exactly effusive. Does everything revolve around food and attention with you?

B-Is there anything else? Remember, we don't give a shit about war and building stuff like you apes. Oh, you need to add sleeping to that list. Yep, that pretty much sums it all up, thank you very much.

B-Now, what about the basement and yes those are my back claws in your upper thigh.

J-Are you trying to rendition me, asshole?
 

B-Do I look like Rumsfeld to you? C'mon, now. I just want you to share.

J-All right, all right. Mom agreed to help out one of her Chinese students.

B-By taking care of his small tree that is enclosed in a screened-in box? Hmm, this is beginning to smell.

J-Sigh, well what goes in the box is the guy's chameleon.

B-Say what?

J-Yep. A reptile.

B-HAVE YOU TWO COMPLETELY LOST YOUR MINDS ??

J-Now come on, you are getting worked up for nothing. He doesn't do anything, just hangs on to the side of the box.

B-Ya know, we tolerate you guys feeding those filthy birds and those tree rodents but now a reptile.

J-At least it's not a snake.

B-Dude (shudder) don't even mention those things -they give me the willies.

J-Me too. Look, it's only for a couple of months, we are closing off the basement bedroom-he won't bother you-you won't bother him. Everything is cool.

B-I dunno man, I don't like all these changes.

J-(scritching behind an ear) I know buddy. It's going to be ok. What are the girls thinking?

B-Well, Psycho thinks it's something for her-typical, eh? And Fatso thinks it's something against her although I have no idea how she connected the dots and come up with that.
 

J-He'll be gone before you guys know it. 

B-What is he called?

J-Oddly, the student didn't give him a name. We call him Mr. C.

B-What?

J-Like Mr. T-he's kinda has this gruff looking exterior plus Mr. C for Mr. Chameleon.

B-That's lame but what are you gonna do. I don't know this Mr. T anyway.

J-You don't know the crappy 80's TV show The A Team?

 B-How about some visuals?

B-Uhh, the reptile wears jewelry?

J-No, that's just a joke. Geez.

B-I don't see the resemblance.

J-Are you purposely being obtuse?

B-No, I just think it's stupid.

J-Well, la-de-da. Why don't you just leave?

B-Boy haven't we been in a mood. You've been mean.
 

J-No, you have been extra needy and I have been busy.

B-Oh yes, those British spy series on You Tube must be part of your “studies”.

J-You can leave now. Don't let the door hit you in the tail.

B-Ok fine, I'll go see Mom.

J-She's busy-leave her alone.

B-I'll just go by her door and howl.

J-Nothing new about that. Run along now.

B-No snack?

J-Nope, you have a 'tude-no snack.

B-Oh and who has a 'tude? Fine, I'll tell Lard Ass to start bringing live mice in the house. You'll like that-with their bacteria-laden feces all over the place that you are so paranoid about. Hearing them scratching behind the drywall. Yeah, enjoy, asshole.

J-Oh for Christssakes, ok-c'mon-I'll get you a snack. Being 'effin blackmailed by a damn cat.

B-A proven strategy. Ahhh, score another one for the felines. A fresh can if you don't mind my good man-none of that corked, end of the can stuff you have been serving up. 

J-Hmm been watching Downton Tabby have you?
 

B-They do have the correct idea when it comes to staff.