What's said/What it really means.

Some friends at work and I played this game where you take  phrases and interpret what they really mean. From the government, politicians, dentists, girlfriends. The results look to be a mix of modern cynicism and Mad magazine. I'm sure you have many to add. Enjoy.

I’m not going to send our sons and daughters to fight overseas.

We’re going to war.

The people have spoken and we will respect their wishes.

We’re going to subvert the democratic process as much as possible and overturn these results.

This agency is committed to being transparent.

No, we aren’t. We strive to be obscure and if we say that we are transparent enough times, people will believe us.

Some assembly required.

You will need an advanced degree from M.I.T. to put this stupid bookcase together.

We’re dedicated to a loving and enlightened way of life in this community.

Only if you follow our ways exactly and without question. Otherwise, your

soul will be condemned to an eternity of damnation.

Professor, I don’t understand the assignment.      

I’ve had 3 weeks to work on the assignment but have not done a single thing on it.

 

But I worked so hard on this assignment.

I slapped it together this morning after I got home from the bar.

I am going to miss Friday’s test because my grandmother died and I have to go home.   

This is the fifth time grandma has died. I want to leave early so I can take the train to Chicago and hook up with my boyfriend.

 

It's not you, it's me.

Dude, it's you.

We’ve had no prior complaints concerning this, sir.   

We’ve had plenty of complaints but won’t fix the problem. In fact, it’s not a problem for us.

Honest officer, all I have had is a couple of beers.

True, only a couple of beers in the past hour. But I have been drinking for most of the afternoon. How come there’s three of you guys for a routine traffic stop?

You will feel a slight prick.

You will experience the worst pain in your life. I hope you don’t scream

too much.

 

I only ate a couple.

No, piglet you ate half the pan.

 

I'm only a bit behind in my payments.

 I haven't made a payment in six months but I really had a nice vacation in

Mexico.

 

We only did it once.

We've been screwing like rabbits for 6 months. In your bed, Mom and Dad.

Historic

Houston, we’ve had a problem.

HALF OF OUR F….G CAPSULE HAS BLOWN OFF.

Mistakes were made.

We illegally invaded a sovereign nation, the entire operation is a debacle

and we're getting our butts kicked by civilian militias.

 

It appears the president has experienced some distress during the

motorcade in Dallas, Texas.

Half of his head was shot off.

C’mon boys, we have them on the run.

-GA Custer, June 25, 1876.
Where the hell did all those Indians come from?