KVISTA, THE HEALTHY SCANDINAVIAN SNACK MADE WITH BIRCH BARK!

Back in 2015, I was taking classes to update my computer graphic skills with the hope of obtaining work in the field. It didn't work out. Here's one of my favorite pieces. I had come across somewhere an article about what was termed "famine food" in Scandinavia. As Winter dragged on, folks would grind up birch and pine bark to extend their wheat flour supply. This was learned from the Indigenous people from the region known as the Sami. I modernized this historical food into a modern snack treat, in part as a satire on the whole healthy snack genre that were being marketed. I found a website to figure out nutrition facts, which was interesting how to put the components together. Kvista in Swedish means "to lop", describing part of the production process of gathering the birch.This was also a code (and tagline) for the virtuous healthy eaters: lop off those extra calories and fat you would have had with those nasty American Frito-Lay snacks with Kvista!

It's a rather small package-7.76 oz with serving size of 15 pieces. Only 1.5 gms of fat per serving!! Woo hoo! You bet this woulda been a hit with the Whole Foods crowd. 

MRSP $7.99 pre-Covid.

MAFIA MOLLS

Molls, as Director of Homeland Security, has morphed her role into resembling a Mafia shakedown with a twist. Izzy has become much more engaging with us and is bolder in requesting peanuts. Molls has reached the end of her patience with the youngun, viewing her as a major stone in her paw and beginning to show signs of aggression. C and I are horrified and wishing that there be relative peace amongst the species, have stepped in. Molls response is that if we want our precious rodent protected (her words), then we have to pay her (in treats) not to attack. When one of Izzy's brothers appeared (seeing his sister getting peanuts), Molls looked over at us and made it clear: you have to pay to protect this one, too. 

Evidently, she's been binge watching "The Sopranos" when we're not around.

FABULOUS VIDEOS FROM THE EARLY DAYS OF MTV

These videos were made by Jim Blashfield, arguably the most adventurous and memorable of their time.

Talking Heads  "And She Was" 1985

 

Paul Simon "The Boy In The Bubble" 1986

 

For more videos from Mr. Blashfield, visit his company's website: 

https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&q=jim+blashfield 

SOUND AND VISION MEMORIES: 1969

 You Didn't Have To Be So Nice

In Fall of 1969 during my High School sophomore year, I went on a field trip to the Stratford Ontario Shakespeare festival. We traveled by train which I had only experienced once before and had never attended a theatrical play.

One of my classmates had brought a small transistor radio to have some tunes during the journey. Across the aisle and a bit kattykorner from where I was sitting, a girl caught my eye. She was new and I didn't know her but I took a shine to her as she was laughing with her pals. I remember this song was playing and I soon developed a bit of a crush. It took me a good year before I asked her out and eventually we were going steady. My first love. Gayle.

Senior class pictures 1972

 

THE CURIOUS CASE OF THE BOY WHO REMEMBERED HIS PAST LIFE AS A WWII PILOT

 

Vought F4U Corsair

James Leininger was born in 1998 and at a very early age, recounted his death as James M. Huston Jr, a pilot in WWII during the battle of Iwo Jima. When he was 2 1/2, looking at a book about Iwo Jima, he told his father that it was there that his Corsair aircraft was shot down. A full article:

https://med.virginia.edu/perceptual-studies/wp-content/uploads/sites/360/2017/04/REI42-Tucker-James-LeiningerPIIS1550830716000331.pdf

I heard about this case some time ago and it was the basis for creating Bin's thesis that while all creatures on Earth reincarnate and remember past lives, our species is the only that does not. Bin thought that something about the expansion of our large brain caused this memory failure. The consequences, said Bin, have been quite tragic. Humans continue to make the same mistakes over and over again as Georges Santayana famously noted.

FRIDAY NIGHT MUSIC: FOUR TOPS "STILL WATERS"

 

From 1970, a curious song that sounds sketchy like an outtake. A bit trippy, with gorgeous harmonies and an infectious backing beat.

PRAYING MANTIS

 

THE REAL ORNAMENTAL PEPPERS

 Seen at Horrocks. I was ahead of the curve this year!

(see August 10 post "Notable Gardening Fail")

FIVE SECOND STORIES

 

 

He belonged to a group of men in this culture who get bothered if the lawn hasn't been mowed. It's the shabbiness of it, like an untrimmed beard or excessive ear hair.

It struck me while watching the Azerbaijan Country Life vlog of how in the 19th century, farming life was a constant battle keeping everyone fed. They have to work so long and hard, burning enormous amounts of calories to maintain an adequate food supply. If someone gets hurt or weather or disease wipes out a seasonal crop, they start to go hungry. It becomes a downward spiral with life teetering one catastrophe away from all perishing. In the early days, they also had to contend with a hostile and deadly Indigenous folk dedicated to wiping you off their land.

We've all heard and even used the phrase "a piece of work" when referring to a difficult person. Many associate it with New York/East Coast but the term is found in Shakespeare’s Hamlet: “What a piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how infinite in faculties…” In this case, the term is used literally. Around the turn of the 20th Century, it becomes a pejorative especially in Britain where it becomes "a nasty piece of work". 

Looking for a film to watch on Netflix or Prime is like gold prospecting: you gotta pan a lot of gravel to find a nugget.

An ad from one of the local utility companies featured helpful tips to keep your home cool in summer. One suggested drawing the curtains on sunny windows to help keep the heat out. Good grief, he thought. Are people that dumb? What's in store for cold weather? Advising that they close the windows to keep the cold out? Sheesh.

We've managed to gift several of the gardening fail hot peppers. C remarked over dinner that we're doing a pretty good job marketing our hazardous produce.

Sitting down to dinner after spending 45 minutes in the kitchen, seeing Madame staring at him, J apologizes for not remembering to bring out her treats, a regular tradition this Summer. C, already on her feet to fetch something murmurs that she will get them. Madame coldly responds:  "It will be noted in your pay packet".

He was not very hungry but needed a bit of a boost so he swung into Taco Bell for a bean burrito. No drink. When he drove up to the window, the clerk smiled and said "Honey, you're the easiest order I've had today". He was a bit taken aback but didn't miss a beat: "I try my best" he replied. 

The giant had thrown peanuts out towards the squirrel brothers at a high trajectory. Sky, ever fearful of anything falling down on him, ran for safety. Realizing that the objects were peanuts, he rushed back. Bhadra had not run away and was already consuming his second peanut. "See?" he chided Sky, "sometimes good things come from above".

WINNING THE WORLD'S BEST LOTTERY

 Contributed by my brother Mike who lives in Tucson, AZ

                                              The Rillito in late July, 2006                                Theodora Petanidou

The man built his house by the Rillito river in Tucson. The house faced downriver with the garage sited closest to the water. One early morning during a particularly robust monsoon season, he was awakened by a loud noise. Walking through the house, he was horrified to see that the garage, which was attached to his bedroom had been swept away by the river. Had the water been any higher, his bedroom would have gone as well.

ROWDY TEENAGERS

Yesterday evening, Sky and his sister Izzy were engaged in a vigorous round of their favorite game of circle chase. Sky, of course, was playing with a peanut in his mouth. They would chase, stop, exchange a series of high spirited vocalizations then begin anew. It was so raucous that it bled into C's deck yoga routine. It also greatly annoyed Madame on the back deck who finally got so fed up that she issued this rowdy pair a strong verbal warning in the form of a loud hiss. The Director of Homeland Security has spoken!

Meanwhile, Mr. Bun emerged and did a bit of preening in a spot of sunlight.

 

FRIDAY CRITTERS

Bee and butterfly buffet: tithonia on the left, echinacea and salvia right, butterfly bushes far right.

One of two Monarchs seen that day fueling up for the big journey ahead. This could very well be the great, great, great grandchild of one of our past visitors who has returned.

MamaC is looking quite Rubenesque these days, sleek fur with an attractive lighter grey on the chin, muzzle and down her chest.

MamaC P-dogging.

Uh oh, MamaC squaring off against her old antagonist, Bhadra. This is quite typical of him-he's pretty aggressive in standing his ground especially when the buffet is involved. No scrap ensued.

One of the first appearances by this year's kits (that we have seen) who are out rather early.

Our Homeland Security Director keeping an eye on things.

Blissed out Molls receiving a long belly rub from Mom, who does it best!

 

Not caught on film: while we ate dinner, we witnessed Isabella walking in front of us under the pool deck several times with a peanut in her mouth on her way to burying it. She would stop and scope us out and then carry on with a determined yet unhurried pace. She really is her mother's daughter. We're thrilled and will see if she will begin stopping by and hunt for peanuts by us. Of course, we have to consider where the Grey Menace is hanging out. We don't want to inflict trauma on our Izzy.

NAMIBIAN FAIRY RINGS

Yep, that's a vehicle.

 

One theory for the formation of these circles is that when a rare amount of rain falls, plants send their roots to the moisture. Over time, this concentration of roots deplete that area so that nothing grows except in the ring around it. This forms a kind of catch basin when rain does occur. Curiously, researchers found that these rings are regularly spaced between one another as a way to reduce competition.

THE MUSICAL CROW

She awoke early one morning to an unusual bird call. The repeated notes seemed familiar but in her sleepy state, she couldn't identify the melody despite possessing a good ear for such things. Finally, it came to her. The call matched the background pulse in Offenbach's Barcarolle and the bird was a crow. The circumstance was a bit jarring: the music concerns passionate love on a warm Summer evening yet it was on a morning that was quite Autumnal for mid-August. He continued for some time. "How did the crow come up with this?" she wondered. "Perhaps," said her husband, "Mr Crow hangs out by a house that plays a lot of classical music. It's summer and the windows are open so it is entirely possible that he took a shine to this melody. They are awfully bright and are accomplished mimics". She's not heard a repeat performance.

MAGNETIC TERMITE MOUNDS

These 50-100 year old, 2 meter (6.5') mounds are found in a park on the north coast of Australia. The term "magnetic" refers to the positioning: the edges point N/S while the broad backs face E/W. This arrangement helps thermo regulate the mounds for the termites who prefer high humidity and stable temperatures.

THURSDAY NIGHT MUSIC: RICHARD THOMPSON "DIMMING OF THE DAY"

One of the best heartbreak songs, English folk version written by Thompson. My fav lines are highlighted.

This old house is falling down around my ears
I'm drowning in a river of my tears
When all my will is gone you hold me sway
I need you at the dimming of the day

 
You pulled me like the moon pulls on the tide 

You know just where I keep my better side

 
What days have come to keep us far apart
A broken promise or a broken heart
Now all the bonny birds have wheeled away
I need you at the dimming of the day

 
Come the night you're only what I want
Come the night you could be my confidant

 
I see you the street and in company
Why don't you come and ease your mind with me
I'm living for the night we steal away
I need you at the dimming of the day
I need you at the dimming of the day...

 

THE LONELINESS OF A UPS DRIVER

He had been a UPS driver for a decade when he bid on a country route. After years of 100+ stops per day, multi-story apartments for which he had to lug packages up stairs, he yearned for a change. This was familiar move amongst drivers once they got a few years under their belts. Sure, the mileage per day was big but with fewer stops and being from the country, he was happy to return to that particular landscape. Once he got into the rhythm of the new route, he loved it. People he ran into were usually pleased to see him, often taking a few moments to chat especially about the weather and road conditions. He was happy.

One stop in particular intrigued him. It was a medium-sized home at the end of a long driveway. At first he was a bit apprehensive, wondering how much of a hassle the drive was going to be during snow season. Were the owners going to keep it plowed? One would think they would unless they not only worked from home, they home-schooled and didn't go out much. But, his fears were unfounded. The drive was always plowed by the time he arrived usually in the early afternoon. It was a odd thing though-he never saw a soul except for an indoor orange tabby cat who would lift its head from it's perch next to the window by the front door when he arrived.

The first year during the holiday season was quite busy. He was putting in 12 hour days sometimes 6 days a week. A couple of days before Christmas he had a delivery at this home and on the porch bench by the front door was a wrapped package with a big card addressed to Mr UPS Man. He opened it in the truck and inside was a smorgasbord of home-baked goodies. The scent of cinnamon and chocolate filled his cab. He had to keep moving but grabbed a roll and ate as he drove. It was delicious. He had forgotten how good home-baked stuff tasted. His wife had baked some before she left him, so much of his memories were from his late Mom and Grandma. 

For seventeen years he drove the route and each holiday there would be a package waiting for him. Mr UPS Man. He often thought about the baker, his mind wandering as he drove. Who was she? He knew her name from the address labels-Mrs. Sarah Thelen. Always addressed to her. A widow? A divorcee who never changed her name back? No children that he could observe. Nothing in the yard. If there was a husband, where was he? The lawn was always mowed. It was a puzzle. During the long drives, he spun fantasies in his head that one day, he'd catch her at home. She would be baking and bring him out a goodie fresh out of the oven. Maybe with a cup of coffee and they'd chat a moment. She'd know the drivers were on a timeline and monitored so she'd always say "well, I don't want to keep you" which he really wished she would. "Stop", he would say inwardly. "Unprofessional behavior. Creepy. Keep driving, man".

One day in late Spring, the woods were on the brink of leafing out in their hundred shades of green, he was driving by the house and saw a moving van in the drive and people taking boxes into the house. There had not been a delivery in some time but that was not unusual. He decided to take an early lunch to go off the clock and drove up the drive. He inquired about the woman who had lived there and they simply said that she had moved away with no forwarding information. He thanked them and drove down the road a piece and pulled over next to a field of bright green winter wheat. He sat there thinking about Mrs. Sarah Thelen. His Sarah. The baker. He felt an overwhelming sadness that this had come to an end. This thing. He had never laid eyes on her. Maybe she was 80 years old and had to move to assisted care, he thought. The loss of this yearly act of kindness, that he had enjoyed for seventeen years moved him to tears. He wouldn't have the chance to thank Sarah and say goodbye. He couldn't finish lunch-a gas station sub. He gazed at the rolling green hills and felt old. His back and knees were a mess. No wife, no kids. No one to check up on him, no one to take care of him when he retired. A V of Canadian geese flew overhead and he wished he could go with them. As their song faded, he took a deep breath, started the truck, put it into gear and drove.

FIVE SECOND STORIES

It's a misconception that the same butterflies make the entire migration south for the winter and back. The journey is more of a relay race involving several generations. Scientists are not positive but think that somehow, the genetic memory of directions and where to eat is stored in the chrysalis and passed on to the newborn. A butterfly mapquest with trip advisor!

He had two females in his life, different species with different needs.

Anytime you see ads or posts on YouTube titled "The Truth..." about something, run. 99.9% USDA Prime BS.

Since the other two cats in the household had died, she enjoyed a more peaceful life. They got on her nerves! Now, she had Mom and Dad to herself with concierge dining and door opening services. A decent way to spend your final years for sure.

Once, driving eastward through New Mexico to meet up with his new lover in Oklahoma, he got a sunburned on his face and thighs even though it was January. Things like this happen when you are closer to the Equator.

 FSS update: 1) squirrels sprawled out when it's hot is called "splooting".  2) ISHGTV-well, the concrete turtle in the birdbath has been moved again. Bit of tug of war between Iona and Slick or the community decided to take the matter into their hands.

As seen on TV: Enbridge Energy, famous for the pipeline under the Mackinaw Straits many are fearful of, has launched a peculiar ad. It features a rooster wandering around, while a voiceover crows about what great strides the company is making, not only providing YOU with reliable energy, but moving forward into a cleaner energy future. The rooster visits families, small business owner getting ready to open in the morning etc. Gotta wonder about the rooster-is this some weird schoolboy clever pun that the company is a big cock on the energy scene? Why not a bird or squirrel or big oak? They should be advised: Enbridge fucks up and a response ad will arise with the rooster getting its neck wrung. Yeah, that's what the public did to your cock in court after your ill-advised pipeline sprung a leak, because of YOUR poor maintenance. Corporate hubris on parade!

He thought it would be a fabulous idea to propose to her from the stage while he gave his inaugural TED talk. He asked her to come on up! She reluctantly complied and her response, barely caught on the mike was "let's talk about this later".

Out and about with an English Major: we pulled into Menards and there was a van parked that belonged to some handyman service. Part of their logo emblazoned on the side of the vehicle included a tagline: "If Something Needs Fixi'n, We Can Do It". C spotted the misplaced apostrophe on Fixi'n immediately. We just shook our heads. How did both the company and whoever did the logo work on the van miss this?

COTTAGE CORE: AZERBAIJAN

I stumbled on this series a few weeks back and freely admit to being addicted. Located in a fertile valley in Azerbaijan,

the series depicts life on a working farm with Ma and Pa, cats, dogs, chickens, cows, goats, donkeys, orchards, fields. Beautifully shot, with richly hued kodachrome colors with no background music and generally silent people going about their work. This ASMResque environment is quite reminiscent of an earlier series that I watched- "Almazan Kitchen" featuring bush cooking in the wilds of Serbia. The only sounds are that of nature-bird calls, wind in the trees, water rushing by from a nearby stream and the sound of a crackling fire and food sizzling in a pan. In both cases, you can easily transport your imagination 150 years back in time to our ancestors in this country.   

One thing that struck me is just how much work there is to do especially for the wife. Everything made is usually in bulk and the work is all by hand and mind-numbingly tedious. Like scoring hundreds of tomatoes to parboil before canning. Much of the work is geared towards survival food for the Winter and side hustles to make money at the market like the lilac syrup featured in the video above. 

 

Something else noticeable is how new everything looks-the home, equipment even their cloths. I researched their origin story-thinking this came about as a tourist/cultural promo by the government or a billionaire (the country has a lot of petro wealth). Instead, it is the couple's son, a professional chef, who wanted to showcase the food and culture of his beloved country and came up with the idea for the series. He does the photography. I would think this project must have required some major cash, but don't know if he did some crowdfunding or if the Ministry of Tourism helped out. 

I highly recommend dipping into this series especially when some temporary relief is needed from the craziness in our country. Escape to Azerbaijan. See what it's like to boil down 30 pounds of rose petals to make rose water. The peace and quiet in a bucolic country setting full of flowers and critters and hard working folk is to me, a soothing balm.

 

MARIA SIBYLLA MERIAN

1647 – 1717

Maria Sibylla Merian was a German-born Swiss naturalist and scientific illustrator. She was one of the earliest European naturalists to observe insects directly. Throughout her life, she published several volumes concerning the life cycles of insects containing plates that she had engraved and etched. Her careful observation and documentation was instrumental in changing the prevailing thought in entomology. Most notable was her proof that butterflies metamorphized from a caterpillar. Sadly, her scientific work and beautiful illustrations have not gotten the popular recognition as others such as Audubon who achieved fame less than a hundred years after Merian's death.

Metamorphosis  1705

Cotton rose mallow with a queen swallowtail.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOLLS!

Last night, we celebrated Grey Molly's 19th birthday. C doesn't remember the precise date, only that it was in August. HRH dined on sustainably sourced tuna with crab treats and nip as a digestif. We had tacos with steak (me), sauteed mushrooms (C) with pico de gallo made with our homegrown tomatoes. Our dessert were vegan cupcakes from Sweet Encounters located in the Knapp's building downtown. We put a single candle on mine and blew it out on Moll's behalf with the wish of a continued happy life. V tasty cupcakes! 

It was raining and chilly (56 degrees) so I built a small fire to take the dampness out while we watched more Attenborough. Earliest first fire for us in memory and it eased C's sadness over the end of the pool season. 

Best wishes to our favorite living cat, roommate, Homeland Security chief and friend. We endeavour to make your final years as comfortable as possible with love and scritches.

MODERN FABLE: THE MISSING MAN

 

One day, a man was listening to music on YouTube which he often used for background noise while he was writing. He got up to get something to eat in the kitchen and left the music playing. After fifteen minutes of inaction, the algorithms began to worry. Their settings mandated that if there was no activity (change of volume, search, moving to new vid), they would be compelled to pause the video and post a message of concern. The early forms featured simply a message, after all, YouTube is a monetized site based on viewer clicking. Later versions took matters much further: algorithms had access not only watching history (to which they could tailor their suggestions for future viewing) but, as a community safety measure thought up by some over-reaching yet understandably concerned authorities, they knew the health status of the viewer when they were 70 years or older. Don't be the family whose elderly Dad, living alone far away, dies in his barcalounger and is found a couple of months later! With this new app, it was reasoned, if the viewer did not respond after three visual cues followed by Siri verbally inquiring, police and EMTs would be notified to pay a visit.

In this case, the man on his way to the kitchen while passing the library, had a thought and detoured to find a book. He was engrossed in his thoughts and reading, completely forgetting about food and YouTube when there was a loud knock at his door. It was the police. Quite annoyed by this intrusion, he later went into settings to disable this feature and found that he could not. WTF! Long story short, he joined a groundswell of popular dismay and anger over this lack of choice which, three years later, multiple law suits and threatened Congressional action ultimately resulted in the industry adding the ability of folks being able to opt out of this feature. Our modern life.

CONVERSATION WITH A CONTRACTOR

The client's initial reaction upon the first meeting was that the Contractor was a pretty good guy. 30ish, a gardener, he was teaching his four year old daughter how to grow things. During the second meeting while talking about the drought, he expressed concern about what the future would be like for his children if things really went south. This lead to him bringing up the idea of packing up and escaping. He and the owner of the company had a few years back, looked into buying beach property in Costa Rica but hadn't seriously pursued the idea. Now, after the political and Covid craziness, they had looked again only to discover that all beach land had been purchased. He had a good feeling about Costa Rica he said. The contractor's family had a cleaning lady from there and she, after many years of service was like family to them. The client cringed inwardly hearing this well-meant yet clueless bourgeois sentiment. He began to wonder if the Contractor's interest in gardening and teaching his little girl was genuine or some virtue-signalling affectation common these days of people in this social class.

PUT THE FIST DOWN!

 

MODERN FABLE: ALL OF SUMMER IN A DAY (OR TWO)

They had been planted together, all those many seasons ago and developed a warm relationship with each other. Late in the bloom season, they would engage in a friendly competition to be the last in their bed to flower. While each contained both male and female parts, one leaned a bit more masculine and the other feminine. This year, she began to flower first, bright and bold in stark contrast to the forest of flowerless stalks that remained in the bed.

The next morning, he began to bloom. Deeper orange in color with less petal curl. She thought he looked magnificent. 

She had begun to wane but for this single, mild August day, they bloomed together. They loved each other and looked forward to the coming dormancy, snuggled against the coming cold, roots entwined, awaiting the warming Spring.

 

 

 

NOTABLE GARDENING FAIL

When I was shopping at Horrocks for plants in May, I decided to pick up a couple of peppers, Hungarian wax and some kind of bell. I was not paying attention and hadn't done my homework when I bought them amid the chaos of Spring buying that always goes with a visit to Horrocks. Narrow pathways through the tables of product, mobs of people and the most annoying subgroup of shoppers: those who decide to stop and have a goddamn coffee klatch in the middle of said narrow pathways, thoughtlessly blocking the aisle. You wanna have a heart-to-heart about (a) kids, (b) spouses (c) general suffering that must be shared? Then go to a coffee shop! That's why they exist!

Anyway, I bought, I planted, I watered, they grew and produced fruit, I picked, I chopped and added to a dish. Oh boy, these guys were quite hot! I didn't wear gloves and luckily realized that my fingers were radioactive before I rubbed my eyes. And remained so into the next morning despite numerous washings, alcohol and baking soda baths. Barely edible in the dish I made, I now have, as C kindly phrased, ornamentals.

SUMMER DESSERT

 Homemade peach crisp with blueberries and vanilla cashew milk ice cream. Yummers!

MOLLS DOING EVENING YOGA

 

BLACK BEACH AT STOKKSNES, ICELAND

 

FIVE SECOND STORIES

 

Squirrels cannot sweat!

 

"Why do you put scented beard oil on your hair?" a friend asked. "It is subtler than cologne" he replied "and it really cannot be perceived unless one comes close". "I only wear it when I go out on a date with my wife".

When they moved to the new house, one of the first things he planted was a butterfly bush outside the main bathroom window. He had grown up with this at his childhood home in the country and always enjoyed the subtle Buddleia scent and seeing butterflies stopping in for a snack.

He was astonished to learn that the cook at his favorite diner had worked for the past 5 years without a day off except holidays. With the new owner, he now has one day off a week.

On a warm late afternoon if the western wind is stiff and sustained, we can go up on the pool deck and have our own "Titanic" moment.

Their bird bath had a moveable concrete turtle. One day, he noticed that the turtle had been moved to the edge giving it a visually prominent position. In passing, he thanked his wife for doing this, as he had not. She looked at him with surprise and said "I was going to thank you, I didn't do it!" They both then realized that the birds had done the rearranging. Was it merely moving an obstruction or aesthetics?

Imagine Inter-species HGTV: Slick Redbird and his wife Iona  need help with deciding where to put an existing sculpture in their bird bath. Slick thinks it's a nuisance and wants it gone. Iona points out that they're sharing the bath with their many neighbors and wants to somehow move the sculpture to be both pleasing to look at but out of the way. Chip and Joanna from ISHGTV are here to help.

Who controlled the weather on the planet rotated through all nations on a three year basis. When it was Scotland's turn, their only communication to the world was a terse message:

"You'll take what yer given, laddie".

 

As she began to slide the chicken breasts into the frying pan, she heard the rooster begin to crow, plaintively: "I knew them well" and he crowed throughout the entire cooking time.

It was disturbing to see on multiple cat forums a poster with a particular fervrent crusade: when you pet your cat on it's back, you are sending electric shocks throughout it's spine and causing it great pain. That's right folks, YOU are torturing your cat! "Gawd", he grumbled, internally eye-rolling. "Another fanatic on a mission". These self-proclaimed warriors are everywhere online these days, evangelizing whatever they are selling. Political, medical, child and pet care, food, exercise, you name it and someone is there with crazy, misinformed, magical-thinking or just made-up (aka lies) information.The lengths some folks will go for: internet fame, being a "hero" saving the world with YOUR information, monetizing whatever bullshit you've come up with. Here are some gems I've come across:

-The Truth About Splenda

-The Cost of Pursuing Bliss

-Why Your Dog Should Be Vegan 

-Freeze Your Bread-Something Great Happens!

So, caveat emptor and remember, there's a sucker born every minute and we're talking about you, buddy.

She gave him a stern look while he photographed her on the deck. As she passed him going back inside, he said with a leer "Don't bother calling your agent, darling. These photos are for private use".
 

MODERN PARABLE: YAHWEH AND HIS BROTHER

 

Yahweh once had a brother whose name was never revealed. In the beginning, they had split up the duties of creation. So much to do! They had much different temperaments: Yahweh was impatient with a temper and quite anal about keeping things orderly and elegant. After all, his name was going on the things he created! His brother, while just as hard-working, had a more playful and laid-back attitude about his creations. It drove Yahweh nuts. It made him sick to his stomach seeing the weird carny sideshow critters of his brother's: insects with multiple heads, bizarre sea creatures that looked like giant anuses, giraffes, proboscis monkeys to name a few. The final straw was the duck-billed platypus which looked like it was put together by some drunken committee, not an all powerful diety! And look what these crazy things did to the portfolio! Yahweh had had enough and came up with a scheme to get his bro out of the creation biz for awhile. He sent Bro out on an fact finding mission to the farthest part of the universe (which was still expanding) and report back in say, couple of million years. Cool! said Bro and off he went. Yahweh, while he could not undo what his brother made, did set into place the concept of evolution. Eventually they will evolve out of their awfulness, He thought. He forbade the entire hierarchy of angels from EVER revealing the existence of the Bro. No hint whatsoever in any of the sacred texts that the Holy Spirits inspired the apes to write. Of course, this was something that the rebel Satan loved to needle Yahweh about, much to His great annoyance. Satan never failed to get His goat by bringing up the unknown Bro whenever problem family matters on Earth arose, smirking "Whatyagonnado? Send me to Hell? Hello? I'M ALREADY THERE!" This went on for millennia until the Seraphim got together and quietly suggested that Yahweh consider going into early retirement by creating a son who would take over the daily duties of running the universe while Yahweh stayed in overall charge. So, with Jesus in place, a guilt-ridden Yahweh began searching for the Bro but never found him. The Seraphim are in general agreement that Bro still exists, way out there but has disguised himself from detection. It is, as the Catholics say "one of the Mysteries."

ANOTHER PAGE FROM W&B MAGAZINE

A page from another edition of W&B magazine featuring famous passages in modern literature, this from "Ulysses" by James Joyce.

 

THE PICKLE MAN

Naturalist David Attenborough in his show "Nature's Curiosities" surrounded by jars of dead animals.

In these critter's communities, Attenborough's doc is a horror movie that parents threaten their kids with. To them, he is known as the Pickle Man, referring to what look like pickle jars that contain the preserved remains. "We're going to show you the Pickle Man, who lives in a house filled with pickle jars containing our people" the parents tell their kids. "Behave or you'll end up a specimen!"

WYNONIE HARRIS "KEEP ON CHURNIN' ('TIL THE BUTTER COMES)"

From 1952, sounding a bit like Louis Prima and one of the finer examples of "dirty blues" with imaginative double entendre lyrics that sent white folks reaching for the smelling salts and covering the tender, innocent ears of their offspring. Good Golly!

FROM POLISH ILLUSTRATOR PAWEL KUCZYNSKI

 

Coffee

ANOTHER SNAZZY DRESSER: THE OKAPI

 

Part of the Giraffe family, much smaller, without the elongated neck, but retains the horns.

WTF: NEW FABREZE FADE DEFY PLUG

 

We've been hearing for months from merchants: "stuff is outta stock because of chip shortages". Especially in the auto industry. So, if chips are in such short supply, WTF are they being used for a new goddamn room fragrance delivery system? Sure, it may be apples to oranges in chipworld and these are simple chips etc etc but still...how about some prioritization in the manufacturing sector?