MODERN PARABLES

 THE MAN WHO HATED HIS BIG TOE

The once was a man of Slovak descent who had a problem with his right big toe. When he walked, the toe would kick upward and the nail would rub on his socks and shoes. Over time, the nail would wear holes in both. It was the shoes that got to him. And a certain tightness with the brass. "Look at how much sole is left" he would lament to himself and to his poor, suffering wife. These shoes are practically new!"! Attempts to remedy this problem were twofold: he diligently clipped and filed down the nail and tried to superglue the hole back together. Alas, nothing worked and over time, a rage grew inside of him. "I'm on a fixed income, dammit"! he fumed and so one day, he decided on taking a more drastic course.

He cut off his toe. 

 

THE MAN FOR WHOM E-Z OPEN AND CLOSE PACKAGING DID NOT WORK.

E-Z open and close packaging was the bane of this man's existence. His hands were plagued with arthritis and he found that there was nothing E-Z about the "quick opening" top of packages even though the manufacturer thoughtfully provided a notch on the side to "help" getting things started. This frustrated him immensely-the commercials showed some happy mommy whipping the top off that shredded cheese quicker than you can say Jack Robinson. It was agony for the man as well as the closing mechanism which comprised of 2 lips of hard plastic that fit into 2 tracks. All you have to do, promised the commercial, is to press the 2 lips into their tracks, then quickly, in one motion, move across the top of the package sealing it shut. Dealing with this as he tried to make a meal would cause the man into a Tourette's-like explosion of expletives that would hang in the atmosphere above his home for a number of hours. His wife fretted that the neighbors would call the cops.

This twofold problem irked him to no end as this system is everywhere. It was absolute hell for this man until one day he simply said "fuckit" and used scissors to cut off the top of the package. Leftovers were placed in another container that was easy for him to open. His blood pressure dropped, he drank less and was much more amiable with his wife.

Sometimes you just have say "no" to those systems put in place by business and society. You'll live longer and happier.