(Sound of cat door)
J-Hey, man-how was patrol? All is well?
B-All is well. I just nosed around a bit. It’s freezing.
J-C’mon over to the fire old man and warm your bones.
B-(jumping up on couch) Ouufff. (J gives him scritches)
J-Your ears are cold (chuckling)
B-Oh, the fire feels good.
J-Yeah it does. Did run into your buddy Russian Blue?
B-What is your obsession with me and that feline?
J-Well, she does keep showing up…
B-While pissing the hell out of Molls and Tomi, who seem to have taken up Homeland Security duties.
J-No love lost between them-Blue was growling through the slider when Mom opened it and Blue saw Tomi.
B-Did you see RB’s tail? Definite aggression. Pay attention, man. This cat is a trouble maker. Why do you think we had that big fight a few summers ago?
J-How could I forget-4 o’clock in the friggin’ morning. Awakened out of Dreamland by the sound of your growling.
B-No one forced you to get up-I had things under control and was protecting the house and despite my continued warnings, dear RB required additional guidance on the subject.
J-It was a donnybrook for the ages for sure. Reminded me of the famous overland battle between John Wayne and Victor McLaglen in The Quiet Man (Oh, look it up, it’s a classic). You were awesome!
B-Thanks, she didn’t hang around much afterward did she? But now that I’ve retired, I think she is back to her old ways.
J-Mom was worried that she was getting abused or ignored at home so she came over here.
B-For the love of Christ-is this an after school TV program? NO! She is up to no good!! I am telling you-I know this cat!!
J-Geez, calm down, dude-I’ll keep an eye on her behavior.
B-You know Molls and the Calico aren’t fighters-they just get worked up protecting their turf which is the inside of the house. Any cat would. You have to keep driving her off every time RB comes around!!
J-Alright man. (Gets up to put another log on).
(They sit quietly watching the flames.)
B-Sorry I was grumpy-been one helluva year.
J-(exhales) No worries-everyone is stressed and yeah, it was one long, f’d up year. At least the elections are over and we’ll have professional adults trying to run the show. Crazytown and friends are becoming irrelevant. (And soon to be prosecuted, enjoy-you fuckers) Vaccines are on their way. Just have to keep hunkered down and remain vigilant.
B-I’ve lived through dictatorships in past cycles-just didn’t think it would happen here.
J-Well, the only good thing to come out of the past 4 years is that the veil has been pulled away on so much and revealed some very ugly truths about the country. Astonishing.
B-True that.
J(pulls on his drink)
B-Whatcha got there?
J-Drambuie.
B-I see you and Mom have been partaking the cannabis-it seems to agree with you giggle-pusses, lol.
J-Indeed. Cheaper than booze, easier on the liver, stronger buzz. The edibles are nice-no smoke to lungs, no skunk stink in the house. And it slowly comes on, peaks and slowly wanes. The Simpsons are a hoot- BTW-we’re on year 25 and it seems like there is a subversive, parallel universe in the production.True stoner talk, lol. Certainly has been helpful in these trying times.
B-Sure, escapism and laughter make a good tonic!
J-What’s the news from The League?
B-Not much. The militants are disappointed with the low death rate from Covid.
J-A blood-thirsty bunch.
B-In their eyes it’s either you guys or the rest of all other living creatures. Save the World-kill the humans.
B-Here’s a crazy ass thing I caught wind of…and it is one whopper of a conspiracy theory. Seems there was a super secret black op where all the Ra’s (felines whose ancestors were endowed with special powers by aliens 8000 years ago) in the world converged on America to push the election towards 45.
J-Whaaaa…???
B-Yep, allegedly they performed mind control on an unprecedented scale. Helps explain the number of supporters and whack jobs, doesn’t it? And we know how gullible and susceptible they are to mind control. Fox News figured that out. Easy prey for even the apprentices.
J-But to what end??
B-45 wins and continues the downward spiral of the country especially with his animus towards climate change. Remember, the militants are going for the long game. Even if large areas of the world become uninhabitable except for roaches and viruses, the idea is that some species would survive and adapt after the humans are gone.
J-Whoa. This puts QAnon to shame, lol!! Get me my tin hat and keep an eye out for insect drones!
B-Got your back, dude!!
J-Well, how about a snack after all these weighty subjects?
B-Have you ever known me to say no?
J-Lol-I found this treat online-it sounded like something you’d like. Let me get you a dish.
B-(digging under the couch) here’s your goodies.
(The sound of a can opening)
J-daaaayaaammmmm
B-Oh man, that is fishy!!! (crouches down on the coffee table to eat) mmmmpphhh, mmmpphhh. Ohh this is primo. You’re the best!
J-Gawd, the joint smells like a fish market.
B-Best smell ever!! Thanks man!!
J-And thank you for the Mozarts. Tasty and goes well with the drambuie.
(Log settles and sparks. The wind has picked up)
J-I’m surprised the aroma hasn’t awakened the ladies.
B-Naw, they’re conked out.
J-Molls has lost weight like you around the back haunches.
B-Yeah, I noticed that too. We’re all getting old. How’s your neck?
J-Hurts. The steroids are somewhat tamping it down.How are your hips?
B-Meh, but it’s always a good day when you wake up!
J-You bet!- it’s that simple. Box up all the world’s bullshit the best you can and enjoy the time left.
(Sound of jingling bells)
B,J-Delivery!!!!!!
J-I’ll see if they want to come in or leave the stuff on the back porch.
(Sound of door opening, muffled conversation, shadowy small figures moving around the tree)
J-well, that was pretty efficient. Nice young elves.
B-(sarcastically) did the side of the sleigh say Amazon Prime with their Nike-ish swoosh?
J-No, thank goodness-at least Santa hasn’t sold out to that asshole Bezos!!!
B-Shit, no way Bezos can take on Santa Inc. who has Krampus on the payroll as their enforcer. You know Big K considers young children a delicacy? Mmmmm, milk fed and tender. Hello Bezos future grandkids!
J-Wow, I never thought of Santa Inc as a cross between the mafia and evil capitalism.
B-Tis how things are, man. You’ve applied for loans: some fat bank manager across the desk deciding if you’ve been naughty or nice. You get behind on the payments and you’re gonna have a Krampus on your style: 40% compounded interest and wage garnishment. For half of your friggin working life. Just ask any college grad from the past decade how this has worked out for them. (Really though, kids, you need to choose your major with an eye towards decent employment. A degree in Ancient Egyptian Folk Songs will probably lead to a career at Family Dollar)
J-Sigh. I am glad to be retired. I’m weary of so much. Can I enjoy the holiday spirit for awhile?
B-Didn’t mean to harsh your buzz (nuzzling J’s hand).
J-I really love the holidays.
B-I know, buddy. Memories. “All alone in the moooooonlight…”
J-(chuckling) Silly boy!
B-(big yawn and curls up) Great song, what can I tell you. Welp, time for a long Winter’s nap.
J-I’ll put another log on for you.
(Bin is already in Dreamland, remembering lying by the hearth in a Vatican apartment many cycles ago)
J-(gently stroking his back) goodnight old friend. Happy Christmas, we’ll see you in the morning.
I stared into the fire, finishing the drambuie. It was quiet in the house aside from an occasional pop in the fireplace. The wind had died down and began to remember my visit to the muskrat mounds in the shallow swamps behind our neighbors. It had been very cold that year and the ice could support the weight of a 10 year old. There were several lodges clustered together on the west end of the swamp situated among the cat tails and scrub trees. These were mysterious objects made even more so by the thought that they could only be entered via the water. The doorway led to a dry, warm room under the dome of nearby plant materials and mud. What an amazing piece of architecture that seems to grow right out of the ice! That day was bright and cold, the snow crunching underfoot as I toured the settlement. One rarely saw a muskrat so I had only a slight bit of fear encountering one. But just think, only a few feet away under those domes, were possibly 10s or dozens of these furry critters! It was time to head back as I was getting cold and it was quite a walk back through unbroken snow that came up to my knees. Finally I arrived, tired and sweating under my stocking cap, nose running. I peeled off my boots in the breezeway, brushed off the caked snow from jeans and entered the house. My mother was baking and directed me to wash my hands and sit down at the dinette table where a glass of cold milk and a couple of kolaches were waiting. I tore into the snack, chattering away about my expedition to the muskrat colony. Dad would be home soon and he, as a keen and dedicated reader of the National Geographic, would certainly be interested in hearing of his youngest son’s exploits over supper. After depositing my dishes in the sink, I went to my bedroom for a bit of a rest and quickly entered Dreamland.
I awoke on the couch in front of the fire which had died down to glowing embers. Bin was curled up next to me. Time to toddle off to bed. I latched the fireplace door, turned off the heat-a-lator fan walked over to the picture window. Despite the solid overcast, I could see the back yard quite well. Around the giving stone under the feeder were Stampy the skunk and Blossom the possum side by side having a snack. No quarrels or species posturing, just sharing a meal. Simultaneously, they both looked up at me, still chewing and instinctively I responded as our species does-I raised my right hand palm facing them. We stared at each other for a bit until they went back to eating. “Happy Christmas” I murmured, turned to check the locks, turn off the tree lights and went to bed. I don’t remember Dreamland other than my persistent thought of the pleasure of awakening the next morning.
Everyday is Christmas.
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