Once upon a time, there was a vile creature who lived in the high mountains, a place where he could look down upon all others. He was enormously wealthy but it was never enough-he always coveted what someone else had-and felt that because of who he was, he deserved to have it.
He lived alone except for a ever-suffering yet slavish mutt named Tiny, who loved wearing thick-framed red glasses like talk show host Sally Jessy Raphael. He was cruel to Tiny yet being a dog, Tiny took the abuse and convinced himself it was his duty to serve and endure whatever his master meted out.
It is said he was a heartless creature but he indeed had a heart-black was its color and it took high magnification to actually see it.
His neighbors to the South were the Whos, cheerful beings that loved to party especially during the Winter holidays. He hated the Whos, with their community and empathy. And they were noisy-oh dear God, he hated their noise, noise, noise. And their singing-singing their stupid songs and playing with their stupid machines which of course were noisy as well.
One Winter, he had had enough and despite the fact they were a sovereign nation, he felt he had the right to do whatever he wished to them. It was getting near Christmas Eve as he sat in his cave with Tiny and brooded and plotted: I'll fix their wagon once and for all and then I can have some peace and quiet. He knew from the past that the Who would party, feast and drink themselves into a stupor. At this point, he and Tiny would take their sleigh down and steal everything! He loved to ruin things especially those that others valued. His favorite pastime was to whip out his tiny penis (like his heart, you had to use high magnification to find it) and pee on things. He loved writing his name in white snow, his rich golden urine staining its purity.
So it was on the early hours of Christmas Day, the creature and his dog drove down into Whoville, stole and defiled everything they could and headed back to the cave.
Once safely home, he got a hold of his loyal buddy Pete who had a Air Force and asked him to bomb Whoville. Pete hated ferriners as well, especially those weak, woke Whos. Pete lead the mission himself and soon, Whoville was turned into a smokey ruin.
Some Who survived and were seen struggling to flee into the surrounding mountains. Pete led another attack and killed them all, flying off in a victory roll.
And here my friends, the story ends. No joy, no redemption. Just the rich and powerful getting away with their crimes as they always have. However, throughout history people have revolted against them and I think it's time for it to happen again, to repair what has been ruined and to begin work on a better country, for all.
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