THE UNHAPPY CHEETAH

 

I came across a piece about the Cincinnati zoo being closed due to the weather and how some animals were out having fun in the snow. One shot (seen above) was of a cheetah picking her way through the white stuff. A chuckling, unseen voice is heard asking the cat "What do you think, Krissy?". Here is what Krissy thought:

"How the fuck do you think I'm doing? I hate the fucking snow. My feet are wet and cold. My nose is cold. I hate it here. I want to go back to my jungle".

To which the chuckling zookeeper replies: "Now Krissy, we've had this discussion before. You have the distinct honor of living in our zoo where you have everything you need for a happy life. Most animals in the wild don't have such an opportunity and I'd like to point out..."

The rest was "blah, blah, blah" as Krissy walked away. In the shelter overlooking her outside pen, she sat and angrily ruminated. She hated that condescending apebitch. "At least back home, I was revered and recognized as a queen. Here, I have that fucking name they gave me, which I hate, a name some dumbass apemale thought was glamorous. Here, I am compared to some hard porn apebitch they saw in a magazine. Neither porn girl or that zoobitch could hold their own in a fight" she hissed.

Krissy sighed and put her chin on her paws. "I could just eat one of that apebitch's arms and a side of her face. They would give me the needle for that but my problems would be over. My spirit would go back home, my nice warm home". She made a sarcastic snort-"yeah, if I am sooo like the ape porn star, then how come I haven't had a nice piece of manmeat in a long time"? She let out a grunt. "They just don't get it. That is the farthest thing in my mind or any other female for that matter. We're fucking busy. All those kids I have to teach because they're dumber than a water buffalo. All that going out to hunt, risking my tail getting food for everybody. It's such a grind, every single day. Oh yes, throw in the unexpected demand by his royal highness who shows up now and then. Gawd, at least it's a short encounter, not like those dumb apebitches who do it for 20 minutes. A couple of thrusts and he's outta there, stinking of all the other females he's had today. Piece of shit".

She heard a metallic rattle and knew that meant breakfast was coming. She could hear that obnoxious apebitch braying like a zebra to her co-workers. She opened her mouth to taste the air and her face turned into a sneer. "Well, let's see how her majesty is doing" brayed the apebitch as they opened Krissy's enclosure.

All the animals in the zoo and surrounding area went quiet and all that could be heard, at that moment, was a light rustle of leaves.