Friday, September 16, 2022

FIVE SECOND STORIES

 


A rare event: encountering a turkey in flight. Today driving home on a road often frequented by turkeys, I had a hen fly off in front of the car, traversing the length of the windshield, barely. I doubt a male could have done it. They're essentially a bowling ball with wings. 

The celery sticks had been in the water container for about 10 days. C inquired if they were still edible and found their opinion was split 50/50:

A. Never better! We can go a couple more weeks, boss!

B. For the love of Christ, release us from this watery hell! Consume us and deliver us into our vegetable destiny!


A 70's sitcom that never made it into production: The Angry Rabbi. The main character, a loud angry Rabbi, drives everyone nuts with his obsessing over what Christianity has borrowed from Judaism. Think Frank Constanza. Per the trend of the times, there was a punch line in each episode with the Rabbi screaming:  "Something else they stole from us!!!"

Oi vey! 


Seen during lunch: a standard of most restos these days are TV's usually tuned to some sports station with the volume off, thank goodness. Commercials can be interesting without the words because in adworld images reinforce language. One particular ad was hawking male testosterone supplements. Of course, the pitchman was some beefy current/retired player that I did not recognize-not surprising because I'm not a sports fan. He's walking down the middle of a suburban street (in real life some hysterical, pearl clutching white woman woulda called the cops because there's this black man walking down her street) past all sorts of middle-aged guys having all sorts of issues...like a gnarled up garden hose. Evidently, this product will enable him to kick some hose ass screaming "There you go Mother Fucker!" because he forced 30 feet of rubber into a proper coil. Yep, a good dose of aggression and healthy, regular erections is a solution to many of life's frustrations when you're an older dude here in America. I reckon it's marginally better than alcohol, meth or a hand gun. 


Perks of living with a writing professor who is a voracious reader: We were watching BBC's 1995 version of "Pride and Prejudice" and the word "bold" was used. She commented that in Ireland (where she taught in Summers) and probably throughout the UK, "bold" when used in reference to a child or teen meant that the adult speaker thought that the youngun was being naughty. "You're being bold, Lydia!" for example.



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