B-Hello
readers! It's been too long! My humans have been quite upset to say
the least since November and Jeff has gone dark for the most part.
So, welcome back and Dude-what is shakin'? Boy you apes have really
gotten yourselves in a pickle with that orange cockroach,haven't you?
J
B-Uhh,
usually you respond at this point, buddy. What's this you are
writing? Oh for crying out loud? Are serious? Avoiding NSA word search algorithms?
J
B-Well,
THIS is going to be interesting. You have security issues about
saying anything. BTW, what is all this stuff, all these gizmos? It
looks like Frankenstein's lab in here. Security stuff eh? Drone and
satellite masking systems, electronic eavesdropping jamming systems
and stuff I don't want to know about. OOOkk. But, dude-this is going
out over the freakin' net....Oh, you have quadruple encryption going
to 35 servers worldwide. Plus detection systems that when intrusion
is found, sends the signal bouncing around the planet. And this is
just the tip of the iceberg. Interesting. Aren't we just a bit
paranoid?
J
B-Yes,
yes they have the capability but that doesn't mean they will do
anything. Yes, I know, there are historical precedents for such
things. BTW how in the hell did you pay for all this? A second
mortgage? The house is in Mom's name! YOU FORGED HER SIGNATURE!! WTF
DUDE, THAT'S A FELONY!! NOT TO MENTION HOW MUCH TROUBLE YOU ARE IN
WITH MOM. Well, she'll know soon enough. What? You're garbling this
part of the piece? My eyes only? Well, yes-you can trust me not to
tell. Swear on a can of Mariner's Catch. Dude, how did it come to
this and what the hell is on your head?
J
B-Oh
come on now, you can answer that, can't you? Sigh. So, what is it? A
pussy hat with an aluminum hat on top. THAT is the most ridiculous
thing I have ever seen (well, besides the Green Bay Packers cheese
heads). What does it mean? Solidarity with your sisters who Marched
on Washington and protection against having your thoughts read. You
are worried about aliens as well? Putin potentially is an alien
stooge. And what crazy left wing version of Breitbart did you pick
that up from?
J
B-Really,
this is getting tiring. Hmm, no crazier than your “intelligence”
that The League has Ra's controlling both Trump and Putin in order to
bring about nuclear war. (ed. Note: The League is an organization
of non-human species dedicated to the preservation of all other
living things on the planet. It is said to be radicalizing with the
ultimate goal of eliminating the Human species in order to save
Earth. Ra's are super endowed felines who can control human beings
with their minds-the result of enhancement 8 millennial a by a
visiting alien race) What can I say-that is what I am hearing. I
report, you decide. Oh, make love to myself? Such tender advice. You,
my friend are completely around the bend.
J-WHAT'S
THAT???!!!
B-What's
what?
J-THAT
SPARROW ON THE BRANCH, WHY AREN'T THESE BLINDS CLOSED? ARE YOU WITH
THEM? IT'S A SURVELLENCE DRONE!! THEY HAVE HUMMINGBIRDS TOO!!!
B-Dude!-it's
just a fucking sparrow. Look, I'll prove it to you. Gawd, that boy needs therapy. BRB.
A couple
of minutes later....
B-pttttoooohhh-there,
one sparrow head, freshly killed. See, no chips no circuits, no
wiring.
J-WHAT
THE FUCK!!! GET THAT OUT OF HERE!!!
B-What
an ungrateful bastard you are. Ok-hey Molls-wanta sparrow head??
M-(distant)
You bet!
B-At
least someone's happy. Now, listen Jeff-how can I help? This is nutty
and will YOU get that stupid stocking cap with the tin foil bonnet
off your head. I can't take you seriously with that on.Thank you. Is
Mom this wound up? Is half the population in this country crazy with
fear and paranoia?
J
B-Hmm,
don't read this out loud....well, yes I am still in contact with him.
Hmm, viruses. They are very unpredictable and there would be
collateral damage-they aren't like your laser guided munitions. Not a
problem, I see. Ok man, I'll see what I can do.
J-How
about some shreds? Got some whitefish and sardines.
B-mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
now, that's my old bud.
