As a matter of fact, yes there is! Meet Euchoreutes Naso Glutencilia commonly known as the Gluten Jerboa. They exist in temperate climes all over the world and are nocturnal. This is not a Photoshopped picture. I know, he looks like he was put together by a committee of UC-Davis biogenetic techs during a drunken weekend at the Ramada Inn in Yuba City. And noooooo, he is not a relative of the Jackalope-geez, that's just some rot gut whisky cowboy myth.
Nope, this little guy is just a rodent who reproduces like mad and, most importantly, whose body fat contains a unique binding agent. Once euthanized, Glutens are dried in kilns to reduce them to a powder, ground very fine and when added to water, becomes a very strong, resilient and cheap binder.
This was first discovered during World War II in one of the Nazi's notorious concentration camp labs. Of course, this knowledge was suppressed by the Allies as were so many other results of Nazi research now commonly found today in household products and food ingredients. You have no idea, people. It's more than just Werner Van Braun and his missile technology that we "borrowed."
However, the widespread use of Glutens over the past 70 years has pushed them to the brink of extinction. So, join the campaign! If you gave up cow, Krispy Kremes, Pepsi,caffeine, Cheetos and low PH water, don't you think you go the extra mile for the Glutens? If you told Charlie Tuna to "go shove it" until his product was dolphin-free, then you can look for the Gluten-free label when you shop. Don't let another species get snuffed out of existence as a result of Big Ag's massive use of our dwindling resources!
Photo credit:Twitter@TheGiraffeGirlX via BuzzFeed.com
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