Saving Little Stampy

One morning this week, I was weeding the East Garden which was in particular need after the recent four inches of rain. I had just started when I heard a rustling by the evergreens along the foundation of the house. Next to the plantings is an egress to the basement bedroom and when I leaned over the edge, I saw a little fluff ball of black and white in a corner: a baby skunk. I have never seen one before and this little guy joins our menagerie of young critters this year. We have a baby squirrel who has a creamy white belly and moves with a vigorous springy hop. And for the first time after several years of residence, we have a family of woodchucks-Mom and Dad and 2 chuckettes. They are quite fond of the snow-on-the-mountain which up to now, was luxurious until the 'chucks decided that they have a handy salad bar outside of their home under the shed.

Our skunk population (at least those that have been sighted under the bird feeder) consists of a huge mature guy who is nearly all white with a black head and side body stripes and two smaller ones with various head and body markings. We refer to them as Stampies, a moniker earned after a close call C had with one last summer. She had gone out at twilight to fetch a drying swimsuit from the pool railing and had not noticed a skunk about 10 feet away under the bird feeder. That is, until he began to chitter. According to C, as she froze in her tracks awaiting a potential blast of skunk spray, the skunk began to stamp his front feet. She was able to back away and safely got back into the house. Close one! She googled skunk behavior and learned there are distinct warnings given by one when he feels threatened: chittering, stamping of the front feet, turning around and raising the tail and finally, the nuclear option. This is how Mr. Stampy got his name.

So, upon seeing Lil Stampy, I immediately went and got C to come and see. He evidently heard us as he began to chitter and make canine-like whining noises. C felt these were signals of distress and set about getting him out of the egress. This is a 5x5 foot opening in the ground probably 6 foot deep. We had earlier incidents with critters getting down there and trapping themselves so we had angled in a 2x4x8 piece of lumber to help them get out. C thought it was too narrow and conceived of a plan of wrapping some long carpet remnants to the lumber to aid Lil Stampy's exit. She  turned the lumber so that the wider facet was accessible. I went downstairs to the bedroom and looked through the window to see how he was doing and he was gone! C said- naw-he's in the near corner and can't be seen. I went outside to see and I gingerly leaned over the egress opening and was thrilled-indeed, in the span of time of me turning the lumber and going downstairs, Lil Stampy had gotten out! I said as much and as I turned, feeling C coming up behind me, I caught a glimpse of a dark face with a white forehead blaze poking his nose out of the shadows of the nearby evergreen. Ohhh nooooooo! I immediately started backing up and nearly bowled C over out of her flip-flops. She got about 3 words of annoyance out before she caught sight of Stampy as well. In that instant, I saw her eyes widen and she slammed her body into reverse. We fled into the house and for a couple of minutes, shook our heads and laughed at our fortunate escape as well as Mr. Stampy's. I went back out and nosed around the corner of the burning bush to see if he was still there but he was gone. For a fleeting moment, I worried that he had wandered off along the foundation and had run into Bin in one of his favorite snoozing spots but Bin soon trotted up, odorless and yowling for pate. 

Photo: animal-zone.com

Save The Glutens!

Have you been wondering why so many products lately have the "Gluten-Free" label? Is some obscure critter being used by Big Ag to the point of extinction? Is there a campaign to save them?

As a matter of fact, yes there is! Meet Euchoreutes Naso Glutencilia commonly known as the Gluten Jerboa. They exist in temperate climes all over the world and are nocturnal. This is not a Photoshopped picture. I know, he looks like he was put together by a committee of UC-Davis biogenetic techs during a drunken weekend at the Ramada Inn in Yuba City. And noooooo, he is not a relative of the Jackalope-geez, that's just some rot gut whisky cowboy myth.

Nope, this little guy is just a rodent who reproduces like mad and, most importantly, whose body fat contains a unique binding agent. Once euthanized, Glutens are dried in kilns to reduce them to a powder, ground very fine and when added to water, becomes a very strong, resilient and cheap binder. 

This was first discovered during World War II in one of the Nazi's notorious concentration camp labs. Of course, this knowledge was suppressed by the Allies as were so many other results of Nazi research now commonly found today in household products and food ingredients. You have no idea, people. It's more than just Werner Van Braun and his missile technology that we "borrowed."

However, the widespread use of Glutens over the past 70 years has pushed them to the brink of extinction. So, join the campaign! If you gave up cow, Krispy Kremes, Pepsi,caffeine, Cheetos and low PH water, don't you think you go the extra mile for the Glutens?  If you told Charlie Tuna to "go shove it" until his product was dolphin-free, then you can look for the Gluten-free label when you shop. Don't let another species get snuffed out of existence as a result of Big Ag's massive use of our dwindling resources!

Photo credit:Twitter@TheGiraffeGirlX via BuzzFeed.com