2 Guys Talkin'

B-Hey, is it nice and warm in here! Friggin' freezing in the house. And this is June?

J-Yeah, we keep Mr C's room toasty. How are you feeling?

B-Better thanks. Still a bit stiff in that joint and I don't have the power I used to have to jump. Getting old I guess.

J-Well, Mom and I were pretty concerned. I'm sorry we didn't get you to the docs sooner but we didn't know. And after Molls evidently recovering from the same thing, we thought you'd be ok.

B-No worries, man. I thought it would clear up by itself too. Then I got this golf ball thing growing on my haunch and I was concerned as well.

J-So, what happened?

B-Big Black jumped me.

J-Ohhh, we wondered. Same one that nailed you in the face during the snow canyon fight?

B-Yep, same bastard.

J-He was trying to come in through the portal?

B-Actually, it started with Princess.

J-What??!! Did she get Big Black to beat you up??? That lil bit...

B-NO NO-Big Black was moving on her!!

J-Nooo, you mean....no....she's never in heat, she's been fixed...

B-It can still be an act of asserting dominance.

J-So what happened?

B-It's a nice spring night-I'm chilling on the front porch-you guys had gone to bed and up tearing across the lawn comes Princess with something big right behind her. She hits the portal in one go. Well, I was a bit startled because I was drowsing and when I am fully focused, I realized Big Black is on the bench looking into the portal. Saying all sorts of things to Princess and to The Chunk as well. Filthy stuff. I crouched and growled and he just turned and said “Oh, if it isn't Small Stuff. Want some more of what you got this winter? Yeah, I think that's a good idea” and he was on me before I knew it. Whupped me across the head with the hardest right hook I have ever had. Man, I was seeing stars and as I turned to get away, I heard him roar “I am gonna bite your ass off, boy”. I felt him chomp down on my right haunch. I think you heard me scream because the girls said later that you came out into the library. Anyway, after he bit me, he laughed, said “so long Small Stuff, I'll be getting back to your womenfolk later” and ran off.

J-What an ass!!!

B-No shit. He got me good, man and I was in a world of hurt. I was so grateful that you saw me and opened the door. I'm not sure I could have made it through the portal. The rest you know.

J-So, that's why the Calico has been decent to you: she OWES you. I take it that this means something to you guys.

B-It sure as hell does and believe me-I will remind her of it until the end of my days. Ha! It's already just killing her to be nice.

J-LOL I bet. Well, what's fair is fair. Sorry about your fur-gawd they really shaved a chunk off.

B-Whattya gonna do. Shrug. It's growing back and really, at my age-I don't give a shit. But having said that, I appreciate you not posting a pic.

J-No problem-I'm self-conscious enough for both of us, lol. You having problems at The Diner?

B-Yeah, can't jump worth a damn. Benny has been kind enough to put the bowl on the chair for me. He is a pretty decent guy.

J-Yeah he is.

J-Man, just how many fights have you been in? When they shaved you, they found a bunch of scars. You really are an old gladiator.

B-Just how it is. I don't take shit from no one but it does seem like trouble comes to me much of the time.

J-Just what is Big Black's problem?

B-Shrug-some cats are like that. I suspect he was cut late. And he is big. The big ones can either be really laid back because they know no one will mess with them or they get these oversized egos and swagger around like they still have them swinging. (eye roll) You know the type.

J-Ayup. Well, I am glad he doesn't live next door. Gawd, what a nightmare.

B-It would be. Princess would never go out and be more of a nervous wreck than she already is. The Grey-I dunno, man-I don't think she has fought much but she is one helluva killer. I think she would be one tough broad in a street fight. You know, she has been quite maternal towards me and I have quite touched by that. 

B-At any rate, it would be some tense times around here. And, I am just getting too old for this crap.

J-Sigh. I know buddy. Part of me would advise you to just run but I know that's not in your nature. Ronins do not retire.

B-Well, you are romanticizing this a bit but I appreciate the thought.

B- That reptile doesn't do much does he? You know, I have had no communication with him which is a first. I've always been able to talk to others. Not this guy.

J-I know-he is curious isn't he? I guess he prefers to keep to himself.

B-Yep. To each his own. Welp-how about a snack before I take a nap?

J-Sure, bud. We just opened a can. So how long before the Calico cracks and reverts to her old meanness?

B-Oh, any day now. It's ok. All I have to do is point back to the haunch and watch her squirm with shame. Fabulous! The gift that will never quit giving!