Happy Solstice/Saturday Night Music

Perfect summer music: from 1962, the Drifters-Up on the Roof. Lyrics by Gerry Goffin who passed this week, music by his wife, Carole King.

2 Guys Talkin'

B-Hey, is it nice and warm in here! Friggin' freezing in the house. And this is June?

J-Yeah, we keep Mr C's room toasty. How are you feeling?

B-Better thanks. Still a bit stiff in that joint and I don't have the power I used to have to jump. Getting old I guess.

J-Well, Mom and I were pretty concerned. I'm sorry we didn't get you to the docs sooner but we didn't know. And after Molls evidently recovering from the same thing, we thought you'd be ok.

B-No worries, man. I thought it would clear up by itself too. Then I got this golf ball thing growing on my haunch and I was concerned as well.

J-So, what happened?

B-Big Black jumped me.

J-Ohhh, we wondered. Same one that nailed you in the face during the snow canyon fight?

B-Yep, same bastard.

J-He was trying to come in through the portal?

B-Actually, it started with Princess.

J-What??!! Did she get Big Black to beat you up??? That lil bit...

B-NO NO-Big Black was moving on her!!

J-Nooo, you mean....no....she's never in heat, she's been fixed...

B-It can still be an act of asserting dominance.

J-So what happened?

B-It's a nice spring night-I'm chilling on the front porch-you guys had gone to bed and up tearing across the lawn comes Princess with something big right behind her. She hits the portal in one go. Well, I was a bit startled because I was drowsing and when I am fully focused, I realized Big Black is on the bench looking into the portal. Saying all sorts of things to Princess and to The Chunk as well. Filthy stuff. I crouched and growled and he just turned and said “Oh, if it isn't Small Stuff. Want some more of what you got this winter? Yeah, I think that's a good idea” and he was on me before I knew it. Whupped me across the head with the hardest right hook I have ever had. Man, I was seeing stars and as I turned to get away, I heard him roar “I am gonna bite your ass off, boy”. I felt him chomp down on my right haunch. I think you heard me scream because the girls said later that you came out into the library. Anyway, after he bit me, he laughed, said “so long Small Stuff, I'll be getting back to your womenfolk later” and ran off.

J-What an ass!!!

B-No shit. He got me good, man and I was in a world of hurt. I was so grateful that you saw me and opened the door. I'm not sure I could have made it through the portal. The rest you know.

J-So, that's why the Calico has been decent to you: she OWES you. I take it that this means something to you guys.

B-It sure as hell does and believe me-I will remind her of it until the end of my days. Ha! It's already just killing her to be nice.

J-LOL I bet. Well, what's fair is fair. Sorry about your fur-gawd they really shaved a chunk off.

B-Whattya gonna do. Shrug. It's growing back and really, at my age-I don't give a shit. But having said that, I appreciate you not posting a pic.

J-No problem-I'm self-conscious enough for both of us, lol. You having problems at The Diner?

B-Yeah, can't jump worth a damn. Benny has been kind enough to put the bowl on the chair for me. He is a pretty decent guy.

J-Yeah he is.

J-Man, just how many fights have you been in? When they shaved you, they found a bunch of scars. You really are an old gladiator.

B-Just how it is. I don't take shit from no one but it does seem like trouble comes to me much of the time.

J-Just what is Big Black's problem?

B-Shrug-some cats are like that. I suspect he was cut late. And he is big. The big ones can either be really laid back because they know no one will mess with them or they get these oversized egos and swagger around like they still have them swinging. (eye roll) You know the type.

J-Ayup. Well, I am glad he doesn't live next door. Gawd, what a nightmare.

B-It would be. Princess would never go out and be more of a nervous wreck than she already is. The Grey-I dunno, man-I don't think she has fought much but she is one helluva killer. I think she would be one tough broad in a street fight. You know, she has been quite maternal towards me and I have quite touched by that. 

B-At any rate, it would be some tense times around here. And, I am just getting too old for this crap.

J-Sigh. I know buddy. Part of me would advise you to just run but I know that's not in your nature. Ronins do not retire.

B-Well, you are romanticizing this a bit but I appreciate the thought.

B- That reptile doesn't do much does he? You know, I have had no communication with him which is a first. I've always been able to talk to others. Not this guy.

J-I know-he is curious isn't he? I guess he prefers to keep to himself.

B-Yep. To each his own. Welp-how about a snack before I take a nap?

J-Sure, bud. We just opened a can. So how long before the Calico cracks and reverts to her old meanness?

B-Oh, any day now. It's ok. All I have to do is point back to the haunch and watch her squirm with shame. Fabulous! The gift that will never quit giving!

Boy, Are They In Trouble

One of our enduring jokes here in America concerns our meteorologists: these folks can be inaccurate a good chunk of the time and still keep their jobs. Haven't we all  watched the guy on channel 6 forecast a 20% chance of rain while it is coming down in buckets outside our window? WTF!! we mutter.

Well, our boys and girls in the polyester blazers should start counting their blessings and be thankful they aren't working in North Korea. Good forecasting there could be a matter of life or death.

According to North Korea's official newspaper Rodong Sinmun, glorious leader Kim Jong Un paid a visit to the country's meteorological institute for a chat. Or rather a rant about the poor forecasting. It seems it has finally come to his attention that his people have been starving for the past 20 years for a variety of reasons including those weather related. It also appears that he does not have his father's special powers (it was officially reported that Kim Jong Il could control the weather based on his moods*).

While he did cut the weathermen some slack by citing poor equipment (most likely 50 year old hand-me-downs from the Chinese) and outdated methodology (most likely 50 year old hand-me-downs from the Russians), Kim Jong Un by all reports was red-faced and bellowing at the ashen-faced staff to "Get It Right". The nation's security and people's well-being was dependent on accurate forecasting, he further asserted thus implying inaccuracy could theoretically be considered treasonous.

Rodong Sinmun released this photo of the incident and thanks to our contact in the NSA, we have a transcript of what was said at the time it was taken. While the caption is fictitious, it's absurd reasoning of introducing coin-flipping as a valid addition to the scientific method comes uncomfortably close to our reality of science denying politicians. Climate change?What climate change. Boy, are we in trouble.



"How hard can it be? If you say there is a 50% chance of it raining, then I should be

able to flip a coin anytime during the day and have rain half the time. I'm not asking

for much, just that you should be right. What am I paying you for? Do I have to do

everything myself??"


Photo: Rodong Sinmun-truly, I didn't make this up.



Deja-vu Thirty-Nine Years Later

1975-North Vietnamese troops enter Da Nang, South Vietnam



2014-ISIS Troops enter Mosul, Iraq

Same mistake, same outcome 39 years apart. The guys running the show in Washington just don't learn. The only good news: Vietnam cost us 58,209 lives, Iraq 4,804. I doubt in 20 years, ISIS or whatever manifestation it may be in at that point will be as inclined to be the money-making buddies with Nike as the Vietnamese were.



Top photo-Wikipedia
Bottom photo-Reuters

 



June 5, 1989

How the world remembers:

 

 

How the Chinese government would like world to remember:

 

Nothing to see here, nothing happened, move along.

  

AP Photo/Jeff Widener