J-Hey man!
B-Sup.
J-Nice night.
B-Yeah, glad it's warmed up.
J-What's with you? Why the long face? (scritches ear)
B-You guys are in deep shit.
J-Ok-define "you guys".
B-Apes
J-Well, what's going on?
B-You got a full glass? Good. Do you remember the Empheris Felidae?
J-Yes, the Feline Chronicles of Alternative History written by an elusive guy in NYC known as Malichi.
B-Remember the cat who set up the JFK killing?
J-Yeah, now there was a tale.
B-I've been in contact with him.
J-What? How? He is ancient by now.
B-He's reincarnated, knucklehead. Have you listened to anything I have said these past few years?
J-You're right. Sorry. But back so soon?
B-(shrug) He's a Ra and a Ra can control when and where he comes back.
(ed. note: In feline dogma, several thousand years ago, aliens visited our planet and found that cats were the only interesting and therefore worthwhile species for them to interact with. Ra cats were endowed with enhanced abilities including mind control, extraordinary strength and advanced cognitive skills. They are rare in the population, perhaps 1% and such abilities are passed down via the male bloodline)
B-Besides, he had something to take care of.
J-Hmmm such as?
B-Revenge against his former human.
J-Really? What happened?
B-Well, he always hung out with the Intelligence crowd and he had the misfortune of ending up with this CIA analyst who was a really bad drunk.
J-One would have thought he would have foreseen this and avoided this person.
B-What can I tell ya? Gorgeous, gave great scritches, always had primo tuna. He was getting on in years. It was comfortable. But she was given to neglect.
J-Oh, I don't like the sound of this..
B-Yeah, she went on some trip to Bali-fell for some Aussie sheep broker and the two of them launched into a month of drunken debauchery. Meanwhile back home-she had locked him in the bathroom and left just a small bag of kibble and a couple of bowls of water. She was only supposed to be gone 3 days.
J-Oh no and she had not told the neighbors that she was vacation?
B-Nope. Security.
J-But he was a Ra-what happened?
B-He was a 23 year old Ra. They decline like everyone else and he didn't make it. But he swore revenge upon re-entry. And man, this was a doozy.
J-How did he do it?
B-Well, he had noticed that Ms. Lush would pass out at night and leave some contents in the blender. She loved tropical cocktails and being thrifty, in the morning, she would save the leftovers for that night's party mix. He also had learned that she was deathly allergic to mango.
J-Uh oh.
B-So, he re-entered after an appropriate interval to let the grief and guilt to wear off and presented himself one bright, sunny morning on her doorstep as a pathetic, mewing stray. He was in like Flynn as they used to say. While she was at work, he would visit the local dumpsters behind Asian restaurants and collect the dregs from discarded containers of mango juice until he had enough to do the job. As usual one night, she passed out, leaving the blender uncovered. He managed to add the mango juice and halfway through that evening's first mai tai, (Bin passes his paw across his throat) she was deader than a door nail. She was found a couple of days later after worried co-workers had stopped by the house, peered in the windows and saw her on the floor. When the EMTs and the cops arrived, they found a sad, mewing young cat next to the corpse. One of her colleagues at the Company took him in.
J-Wow! That is a pretty impressive hit! Man!
B-He had several lifetimes of accumulated knowledge, indeed.
J-So-how did you run into him?
B-Chatroom
J-You visit chatrooms.
B-Sure-I have a Google account.
J-Hmm, that's right. What chatroom?
B-Oh,mainly for felines but other species are welcome. However, there is rigorous vetting in order to join and pretty hefty encryption to login.
J-So how did you know it was him?
B-LOL he hasn't changed his avatar in ages.For that matter, neither have I. Easier for those who have known each other during multiple lives to recognize one another.
J-So, what is this big serious thing you're tail is all puffed up about.
B-Your glass full?, Ok. Where to begin. There exists and has existed for eons an organization referred to as The League. All living species on the planet have a representative at the table. Its origin dates back to the Great Extinction after the meteor hit and wiped out a good chunk of living things. Once life stabilized, The League was organized to discuss problems and work on solutions in case of the threat of another such catastrophe. Curiously, its creation coincided with the arrival of the aliens whose main contribution was to enable everyone to understand one another.
J-But what about us? We can't understand any other species.
B-The aliens were scared of you and didn't extend the ability to the apes. A grave mistake in hindsight.
J-But, we were barely out of the trees. What freaked them out?
B-I dunno, man. It has been a puzzle for many of us throughout the years. Evidently, they saw something.
B-Anyway-a few days ago-I entered the chatroom-haven't visited awhile and there is the Ra who recognizes me and immediately signals for a private IM. He had some very disturbing news concerning The League. You ready?
J-Ayup.
B-Ok man, here it is-The League is close to sanctioning a hit on your species.
J-
J-
J-Umm, The League is advocating killing off the human race?
B-Yes.
J-How?
B-The Dark Ones, The Unseen (shudder) Oh they give me the creeps. Crawling around inside your body.
J-What?
B-The Viruses
J-Ohhhhh
J-So, what brought all this about?
B-The League doesn't like the trending of climate change, something directly linked to ape activity. In a nutshell: kill the apes, save the world.
J-Good grief. Can they pull it off?
B-Well, this isn't the first time. Anti-ape sentiment has been around for quite awhile as you guys spread out of Africa to the four corners of the Earth. Man, you guys piss folks off everywhere you go. In modern times, a rogue element within The League hired out the viruses for their first contract on you guys following your WWI. So many died in the war, they hoped a major worldwide epidemic would finish you off.
J-The Spanish Flu.
B-Yep. But the viruses weren't strong enough.Then in the 80's, another League group initiated an unapproved sanction targeting a minority ape population with the hope it would slowly spread then cascade into the general population. This one was quite ingenious considering it centered on a fundamental drive of all living things.
J-Ahh, sex-HIV.
B-Yep but the project was doomed from the start. Faulty premise at the core although its backers swore that given time, it would have worked. They had underestimated how good your scientists are.
J-And now?
B-Ebola was a trial run and had wide support within The League especially when it was clear the American government was influenced by the climate deniers. It was acknowledged that Ebola would not be the end all-it was an experiment to study how world bodies, individual countries, NGO's and charities would respond to this crisis. It was a training and information gathering mission. They were quite happy with the data.
J-Unbelievable.
B-You better believe it. These fuckers are deadly serious and extremely pissed. And if the information is coming from the Ra-this is no piddling matter.
J-Maybe he is a plant. Maybe his mission is to sow fear and paranoia. It's working rather well, thank you very much.
B-No-he thinks this is morally wrong and belongs to a group allied with humans to work out a compromise. Have you heard of E.O. Wilson and the Half-Earth Movement?
J-Actually, yes-there was an article in the Times about him.
B-Well, this is the main opposition group against those wishing total annihilation of the apes. BTW-they are using an horrible and ironic term for the project: The Final Solution.
J-Whoa.
B-And the Zika virus threat? Parallel mission for ape population control. This is a very long term project, man. They have learned they can't take your species out with a single event-it will be waves of viral attacks. And very clever. They are going as far as allowing species to become extinct or to be threatened by various causes knowing that apes scientists will just shrug and go-"well, this just happens in nature. It's evolution". Not in this case, pal. It is a full out attack and you folks are the ones slated for extinction.
J-Damn. Aren't you concerned for your safety? I mean, I have a few followers of the blog-it's out there on the 'net.
B-The 'net is filled with conspiracy theories-apes are so good at making them up. It's actually a cottage industry. Look at Hillary Clinton, LOL. And really-reread what we've been talking about. Who is gonna believe this? C'mon, man.
J-So why tell me?
B-Cuz man, if it comes, I want you to know how and why. Enjoy the time you have, man. I know I have been telling you this but now, you really need to. You and I both know E.O. Wilson will be written off as a crackpot. Humans give up half the planet? Especially with the three Desert religions who think they have been given domain over everything by a supernatural deity. Good luck with that.
J-Are you messing with me? I was in a pretty good mood as of late.
B-Sorry man, but you need some perspective. Y'all got much more to worry about than Trump and Hill.
J-Sigh. Well, keep me posted. I need a refill.
B-Yeah, can't blame you there. C'mon, it's a nice night and I need to take a whizz. You're welcome to water the shrubs if you want.
J-You know how to make a guy feel special,don't you?
